Showing posts with label Temple. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Temple. Show all posts

Mormon/Masonic/Satanic Similarities

Posted by: Andee / Category: , , , ,

I take no credit for the huge amount of study it took to put this together... for the complete list of the similarities of these ceremonies click here.

No, I am not saying that Mormons are worshiping Satan.

I am just saying that these things should make you think... even if you take the Satanism out of it and just look at the Masonic similarities!!

SATANISM
FREEMASONRY
MORMON TEMPLE CEREMONY
ORIGIN: Satan, exact time frame unknown. First mentioned in the 11th century. Baal worship mentioned in Old Testament. ORIGIN: Unknown, exactly. First mentioned in records in 680 A.D. ORIGIN: Joseph Smith. Temple ceremonies started in May, 1842.
Use of a ritual, or ceremony as follows: Use of a ritual, or ceremony as follows: Use of a ritual, or ceremony as follows:
-
 Require the removal of shoes before or during the ceremony. (4) Require the removal of shoes before or during the ceremony. (3, 4)
Reduced to nude, then covered with a black "shield." (1) Reduced to nude, then redressed and prepared for ceremony. Reduced to nude, then covered with a white "shield." (3, 4)
Ceremony of washing and anointing of the body performed (2) Ceremony of washing and anointing the candidate. (5) Ceremony of washing and anointing of the body performed. (3,4)
Use of a secret name necessary. (3) Use of a new name: "I also present you with a new name; it is caution." (6) Patron is given a "new name which you should always remember, and which you must keep sacred and never reveal."(3,4)
Claim to have the Melchizedek Priesthood. Claim to have the Melchizedek Priesthood.(7) Claim to have the Melchizedek Priesthood.(3)
Use of an altar. Use of an altar.(8) Use of an altar.(3,4)
Use of an apron in ceremony (green) worn by Pontiff(4) Use of an apron in ceremony (white) worn by lodge members and candidate. Use of an apron in ceremony (green) worn by each "patron" in the session.(3,4)
-
 Use of a sash in ceremony.(22) Use of a sash in ceremony.(22)
Use of specific hand clasps or "grips" during ceremony. Use of specific hand clasps or "grips" during ceremony. Use of specific hand clasps or "grips" during ceremony.(3-4)
Secret oaths associated with each hand clasp or grip. Secret oaths associated with each hand clasp or grip.(9) Secret oaths associated with each hand clasp or grip.(3-4)
Death is the penalty for revealing the signs or tokens (hand clasps or grips). Death is the penalty for revealing the signs or tokens. Death is the penalty for revealing the signs or tokens (hand clasps or grips).
Candidate progresses from one degree to another, each one higher. Candidate progresses from one degree to another, each one higher. Candidate progresses from one degree to another, each one higher.(3-4)
Use of prayer circle in the ceremony.
-
 Use of prayer circle in the ceremony.
Ultimate goal: to progress to godhood.
-
 Ultimate goal: to become gods and goddesses.(3-4)
Practice communication with the dead.
-
 Temple ceremony is mainly doing work for the dead. (They believe they can communicate with the dead.) (5)


Hmmm....

USE OF SYMBOLS
USE OF SYMBOLS
USE OF SYMBOLS
Sun Sun (9) Sun
Moon Moon (9) Moon
Stars/Pentagrams Stars/Pentagrams (9) Stars/Pentagrams
Compass Compass Compass
Square Square Square
All Seeing Eye All Seeing Eye All Seeing Eye
24" gauge 24" gauge 24" gauge

*scratching head*

MEANING OF SYMBOLISM
MEANING OF SYMBOLISM
MEANING OF SYMBOLISM
Sun = Lucifer, Light Bearer, Baal. Sun = Great god, the point within a circle, all seeing eye, the male or the active part, the master in the lodge, Phallus. Sun = Celestial Kingdom.
Moon = Queen of Heaven. Moon = female, the passive part, the productive part, the producer. The earth. Moon = Terrestrial Kingdom.
Star = Sirius, Set.
-
 Star = Telestial Kingdom.
Pentagram = Satan's symbol. Very important symbol in Satanism.
Upright - symbol of goddess.
Inverted* = symbol of goatshead.
Inverted Pentagram, especially evil.		 Pentagram = symbol of evil, Satan, Mendez, Lucifer, and Lilith. Called the Goatshead Star, or the Goat of Mendez Star, when inverted.(11) Pentagram used extensively in early Mormon architecture. Still used in modern Mormon architecture.(6)
Compass = female. Symbol of witch's circle drawn with compass. Compass = male, the active part, or the generative part. "Circumscribing our passions, and keeping our desires within due bounds."(12) Compass - "signifying that desires, appetites, and passions are to be kept within the bounds the Lord has established, and that all truth can be circumscribed into one great whole."(4)
This mark is sewn into all Mormon temple garments.
24" gauge = represents the Tree of Life. Also the measure by which all things are measured.(5) 24" gauge = divides the day into three 8-hour periods:
8 for labor,
8 for rest and refreshment,
8 for service to fellows. (14)		 24" gauge = this symbol is not referred to in the ceremony, but there is a navel and knee mark sewn into all Mormon temple garments, having the following meaning:
The navel mark "...is placed over the navel as a reminder of the constant need for nourishment to body and spirit."
"The knee mark is placed on the right leg of the garment over the knee, and indicates that every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is the Christ."(4)
(Also, the term, "Tree of Life," is understood and is very important in Mormonism.)
All Seeing Eye = Eye or Horus. (Hero Parr Kraat, associated with Satan's child, in Egyptian.) All Seeing Eye = symbol of the Egyptian god "Osiris" (15) and the ever presence of their god. All Seeing Eye = symbolizes the ever presence of their god. Used in Mormon architecture.(8)

OTHER SIMILARITIES
OTHER SIMILARITIES
OTHER SIMILARITIES
Lucifer = Light Bearer, Great Initiator. Lucifer = Bearer of light.(15A) Lucifer = gives instructions in the temple ceremony. Adam and Eve acknowledge that it was "better" to follow Lucifer's council than God's.(4)
Light = each candidate is seeking light and more light. Light illumination of special Luciferin initiation, radical opening at pineal gland. The third eye. Light = each Mason seeks light, more light, and further light.(16) Light = "Adam, having been true and faithful in all things, desires further light and knowledge by conversing with the Lord through the Veil."(3,4)
Phallus* = male and god.
*male penis		 Phallus = male. "The" point within a circle. The column, the broken column. Outwardly expressed in the obelisk, such as the Washington Monument.(17) Phallus = the cross-less steeples of the Mormon temples and chapels have been alluded to be comparable to the Masonic obelisks.
Good is Evil/Evil is Good Satan created and governs the visible world.(15A)
"Yes, Lucifer is God, and unfortunately Adonay is also god... Thus, the doctrine of Satanism is a heresy; and the true and pure philosophical religion is the belief in Lucifer, the equal of Adonay; but Lucifer, God of Light and God of Good, is struggling for humanity against Adonay, the God of Darkness and Evil."(23)		 Good is Evil/Evil is Good (Lucifer speaking): "...I want you to eat of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil that your eyes may be opened, for that is the way Father gained his knowledge."
Adam and Eve, after partaking of the forbidden fruit, acknowledge that is "better" that they disobey Father. Since they say that "it is better" that they disobeyed [did evil], the evil deed becomes "good" [or better].(4).
Jesus = the son of Lucifer.
-
 Jesus - the name "Jesus" is not used in the ceremony. Mormons teach and believe that Jesus is the spirit brother of Lucifer.
Holy Bible -not used.
They have their own Satanic Bible.		 Jesus - is not recognized. Holy Bible - is used upon the altar, along with the Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price. They also have an "inspired" Bible version by Joseph Smith, but it is not used in the temple ceremony.
Satanic ceremony has ten tokens: 1-10. Masonic ceremony has three tokens in the Blue Lodge, seven more in the York Rite, and 29 more in the Scottish Rite. Mormon temple ceremony has four tokens.
-
 First token = Entered Apprentice.
Token given with the thumb on top of the first knuckle of each person.		 First token of the Aaronic Priesthood.
Token given with the thumb on top of the first knuckle of each person.
Second token = Sign of the Elder.
Token given with the thumb on top of the first knuckle of each person.		 Second token = Fellow Craft.
Token given with the thumb between the first and second knuckle of each person.
Called the "Pass Grip."		 Second token of the Aaronic Priesthood.
Token given with the thumb between the first and second knuckle of each person.
Eighth token = Sign of the Nail.
The hand vertical, the fingers close together and the thumb extended, and the person giving the token placing the tip of the forefinger of his right hand in the center of the palm and the thumb opposite on the back of the hand of the one receiving it.
The "Nail" means "Satan."
-
 First token of the Melchizedek Priesthood, or the Sign of the Nail. (3, 4)
"This token is received by bringing the right hand into this position: the hand vertical, the fingers close together and the thumb extended, and the person giving the token placing the tip of the forefinger of his right hand in the center of the palm, and the thumb opposite on the back of the hand of the one receiving it..." The name of this token is "The Son," meaning the Son of God.
Fifth Degree token = Sign of the Lion of the Tribe of Judah.
This token is given by clasping the right hands, interlocking the little fingers, and placing the tip of the forefinger on the center of the wrist of each person.		 Real Grip. Master Mason.
Called the strong Grip of the Lion.
This token is given by clasping the right hands, with first and second fingers on the top of the wrist, third an fourth fingers on bottom of the wrist. The Strong Grip of the Lions Paw of the Tribe of Judah.		 Second token of the Melchizedek Priesthood, the Patriarchal Grip or sure Sign of the Nail.
This token is given by clasping the right hands, interlocking the little fingers, and placing the tip of the forefinger on the center of the wrist of each person.
Uses the "Five Points of Fellowship." Uses the "Five Points of Fellowship." Uses the "Five Points of Fellowship."
"Five Points of Fellowship: as follows:
foot to foot,
knee to knee,
arm to back,
breast to breast,
mouth to ear."		 "Five Points of Fellowship: as follows:
1st - foot to foot,
2nd - knee to knee,
3rd - breast to breast,
4th - hand to back,
5th - cheek to cheek or mouth to ear."		 "Five Points of Fellowship: as follows:
inside of right foot by side of right foot,
knee to knee,
breast to breast,
hand to back, and
mouth to ear."
-
 Uses three knocks. (18) Uses three knocks at the Veil. (4)
The Five Points of Fellowship are given at the end of the black (Satanic) mass as a benediction. During the giving of the Five Points of Fellowship, the candidate receives the whispered secret name of the god and goddess.
To the man: "May you have health in the navel, marrow in the bones, strength n the penis and in the sinews; and power in the priesthood be upon you and your posterity through all generations of time and throughout all eternity."
To the woman: "May you have fertility in your womb, strength in your thighs, lust in your vagina and your innermost being; that you may please your Master and his priesthood throughout all generations of time, and throughout all eternity." (1,7)		 "In this position(as explained above) alone are you permitted to give the word, Mahhah-bone..."(19) "This is the name of the token:
Health in the navel, marrow in the bones, strength in the loins and in the sinews, power in the Priesthood be upon me and my posterity through all generations of time and throughout all eternity."
(Both men and women recite the same.)




(Compare italicized words in Satanic ceremony.)
Cross = Phallic symbol. Cross = not used (20) Cross = not used.
Cabala - is recognized. Cabala - is recognized. (21) Cabala - is not recognized.


Read more »
4 comments

Provident Living

Posted by: Andee / Category: , , , ,

This is the only talk I sat all the way through during conference. After Hales was done with his inspired piece, I had to go go the kitchen and find some chocolate. Chocolate makes everything better...


This isn't the entire talk, I edited out the storytelling...

How blessed we are to be led by a living prophet! Growing up during the Great Depression, President Thomas S. Monson learned how to serve others. Often his mother asked him to deliver food to needy neighbors, and she would give homeless men odd jobs in exchange for home-cooked meals. Later as a young bishop, he was taught by President J. Reuben Clark, “Be kind to the widow and look after the poor” (Thomas S. Monson, “A Provident Plan—A Precious Promise,” Ensign, May 1986, 62). President Monson looked after 84 widows and cared for them until they passed away. Through the years, his service to members and neighbors throughout the world has become the hallmark of his ministry. We are grateful to have his example. Thank you, President Monson.

Brothers and sisters, as did President Monson, our children are growing up in times of economic uncertainty. Just as our grandparents and great-grandparents learned vital lessons through economic adversity, what we learn now, in our present circumstances, can bless us and our posterity for generations to come.


Oh, yay!

I love it when they tell stories about the old ladies Monson helped. Wow, he really did something nice, didn't he? That proves the church is true!

Now, lets discuss these economic things you bring up, Mr. Hales...

First step in learning to be good with money is to keep track of how much money goes where. How much money does the church have? Where is this money going? How much did you spend on the mall in Salt Lake City? Billions, right? I am sure God approves of that, even though there are starving, sick, and abused people in the world. Who cares about them? God needs a new Nordstrom!

Next step is to stop spending on unnecessary things. Tithing comes to mind. If your church has enough funds to spend 2 billion on a mega-mall-condo-complex and build temples with the finest of marble, you should have enough to sustain yourself. Thanks for that! It's nice to have an extra 10% in the budget to feed kids and clothe them. Whew.

Anyway, it's nice to know Monson grew up in the depression and helped out old ladies! What a good man.

When faced with the choice to buy, consume, or engage in worldly things and activities, we all need to learn to say to one another, “We can’t afford it, even though we want it!” or “We can afford it, but we don’t need it—and we really don’t even want it!”

Okay...

Wow. So do you really need 5 billion temples? You want them, but do you really NEED them? And if you NEED them, why do you NEED the finest of marble and all that Jazz? How about vinyl?

So, in these rough economic times, why are you still building a mega mall? Why isn't that money going to help the members of your church who need it? Why isn't it buying immunizations? Food? Clothes? You *CAN* afford it. Right? Just sayin'.
In addition to our tithes, we should also be an example with the payment of fast offerings. A fast offering is at least the cost of the two consecutive meals from which we fast each month. By not eating these two meals, we draw close to the Lord in humility and prayer and also participate in anonymous giving to bless our brothers and sisters all over the world.

Oh, I thought you were trying to tell us to watch our money?

Let me get this straight... You want to spend money on a mall-condo-disaster, and we get guilted into paying 10% of everything we have, plus fast offerings? How about we just volunteer at a soup kitchen and kill two birds with one stone? Why does it have to be money instead of time? Oh, yeah... you have temples and malls to build. My bad.

I think the Lord groans out loud every time a family's hard earned money ends up in the hands of the LDS Church instead of going where it should go. If you want to claim that your fast offerings and tithing goes right to the needy, I will have to ask you for some proof. Oh, thats right... you don't show your financial records, do you? I will have to pray about that.

Whenever we want to experience or possess something that will impact us and our resources, we may want to ask ourselves, “Is the benefit temporary, or will it have eternal value and significance?” Truthfully answering these questions may help us avoid excessive debt and other addictive behavior.

Give me a break, Mr. Save-your-money-except-for-the-moolah-you-give-to-us.

I am eternally grateful that I don't buy into this BS anymore, and that when I give money to a non-profit organization, I KNOW that money is going where I want it to.

I don't trust these men with 10 cents.

Andee


Read more »
6 comments

Rant Time

Posted by: Andee / Category: , , , ,


That photo of the temple bed in the Yearning For Zion compound really did a number on me. When I saw it for the first time hours ago, I was sick to my stomach. I couldn't stop thinking about what that bed was for... all the possibilities... and how horrible some of those things are.

I am sad.

I can't comprehend any reason at ALL for a bed to be in a temple. Many people have speculated that the bed could have been for something as simple as a janitor or other temple worker sleeping in the building. That makes no sense to me, but to be honest... none of this makes sense.

If having people go into a sacred building like a temple that are not "worthy," why then would it be okay for the old man taking out the trash to take a nap in a sealing room? That sounds a little disrespectful to me... just sayin'. That excuse for the bed does not add up. Not at all.

So, what else could this thing be for?

Many noticed the hand rails on the sides of the bed... much like a hospital bed. Some assumed the man would lie on the bed while his wives knelt beside him and touched him during the sealing of a new wife. Sure... this is possible... but I don't understand the need for a bed. There are countless other ways to accomplish this feat without the use of a mattress.

The scariest thing, and the first thing that popped into my head, was that the rails on the bed could be used to tie restraints to. I have no proof that this happens/happened in that room, but the image came to me with surprising speed and clarity. I am probably wrong... Gawd... I hope I am wrong.

Here is the thing...

Most members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints look at the polygamous splinter groups as cult members that have nothing at all to do with their church.

They are wrong!!

Heads up, believing Mormons... The polygamous groups are simply practicing what Joseph Smith, Brigham Young and the rest of the leaders practiced!

In one breath, you praise Joseph Smith as a bright young boy who dealt with such persecution (he deserved it, by the way) and in the next breath you say that these groups that practice polygamy have nothing to do with you?

If the United States government didn't force the church to give up the practice of polygamy, we would still be practicing it. As a matter of fact, many members of the church joined polygamous marriages AFTER the manifesto was written. Yep... it's true! They... *gasp* Broke the LAW! Shocking, isn't it?

My ancestors came to America from Sweden to join the church in Zion. There is no doubt that some of these ancestors either practiced polygamy, or were raised to believe it was necessary for their salvation. If the church had no bowed to pressure to conform, I might have been raised like the women in the Yearning For Zion ranch. I might have been married off to a 50-something year old fart when I was 15... or even younger.

I am so ashamed to remember that I once thought I had all the answers. I once thought that Joseph Smith and the church were right and true.

To think that if a different decision was made, that I might really know what happened in that temple bed.

It's so sick.

Andee


Read more »
9 comments

I Am Sick. Sick. Sick.

Posted by: Andee / Category: , , , , ,

We all remember the Yearning For Zion ranch in Texas that was raided last year after a phone call was placed to authorities claiming an underage girl was being forced into marriage against her will.

The entire media focused on religious freedom versus child abuse. The constant thought was, "Where do we draw the line?"

Well, I am here to say that I am sick after seeing a photo taken inside the Temple on their private ranch. It's not easy to look at. Don't worry, there are no children in the photo, nothing showing abuse, just a single, solitary photo of a bed inside one of the pristine white rooms.


To all those who claim that there was zero sexual intercourse inside this temple, I have one question:

What in the world is this for?

WHY WOULD GOD WANT THIS????

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE???

I am sick.

Andee


Read more »
0 comments

Money

Posted by: Andee / Category: , , , , ,


Money. Nothing gets me worked up as much as much as thinking about the amount of money the church has spent on things like temples and business that could be put to much better use. Let's point out quickly that the late Gordon B. Hinkley made the decision to build a 2 BILLION DOLLAR MALL right before the financial crash we are now dealing with. Where was God when he was making that decision? The Lord didn't give him a heads up? Huh...

No one knows exactly how much money the church has, because they are not required to share the information. The average member has no idea how much money goes to charity compared to lining the pockets of the church and it's many businesses.

I am a huge fan of the idea that every religious institution that receives a tax exempt status should have to share it's financial records to the tax payers in their state and country. What are they afraid of? If you are doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to worry about. Donating money to charity is one of the best things you can do with your money. I will be the last to argue with that. There are people out there who are losing their jobs left and right, their homes are being foreclosed on, and they are still required to give their 10 percent to the church in order to be a member in good standing. What sense does this make? Does God really demand you give money to the church before making sure your children have food in their bellies and clothes on their backs? Some bishops require people to pay a full tithe before they are allowed to ask for any kind of assistance from the church. This is just backwards to me. How about taking care of your family so you don't have to ask for assistance? It's pretty damned simple, right? Recently, a poster on PostMormon.org shared this little gem:

I learned in serving almost twenty years as bishop and stake president that an excellent insurance against divorce is the payment of tithing. Payment of tithing seems to facilitate keeping the spiritual battery charged in order to make it through the times when the spiritual generator has been idle or not working. (”The Enriching of Marriage,” Ensign, Nov. 1977, 11.)

This could feed a young family or be put towards the building of a temple... God wants the temple.


Really? REALLY? Tithing keeps your marriage together? Pardon me if I am wrong, but the one thing couples fight over the most is money. Who has it, who makes it, who makes the decisions on where that money goes... I truly believe tithing is probably one of the biggest "fight starters" in an LDS couples' lives.

Why doesn't the church tell us where they put this tithing money? Most of the people I have talked to over the years claim it's because they don't want to brag. This makes me laugh. If you are doing good works for the good of your fellow man, shouldn't God want you to shout it from the mountaintops to get more people to join your church or assist with their funds?

As tithe payers, shouldn't you want to see the financial information?


Most believing Mormons don't even consider that the church is doing anything wrong. The men in charge are chosen by God, after all. Right?

Why is it that God wants things like the finest of marble in his temples when there are people in the world who are suffering. Does God truly care about the decor when his children are going hungry, dying of disease and losing their children for lack of immunizations? Sick children? Who cares! We want marble! Instead of spending your time volunteering to teach children to read or keep them out of trouble, God wants us to spend hours and hours chanting and going through temple ceremonies for people who are already dead?

Think of the good that could be done with this time and money. Really think about it!!!

Let me share this quote from MormonThink.com:

"In 1997, U.S. congregations of the similarly sized Evangelical Lutheran Church in America raised $11.8 million in cash donations for worldwide hunger. The same year it raised $3.64 million for domestic and international disaster response, for a one-year humanitarian cash total of $15.44 million, more than half the amount the LDS provided over fourteen years." P. 129, Mormon America , Richard Ostling

In Jan. 2006, from the Church PR department, (Deseret News Publishing Company): Edgley said, "that since 1984, the LDS Church has donated nearly $750 million in cash and goods to people in need in more than 150 countries." That averages to $37.5 mil per year or about $3-$4 per Mormon member went to the poor. The total of $750 million in 22 years spent in cash and goods to people in need is only a THIRD what the church is spending on a mall they're building in Salt Lake City. The Mormon church is spending less than 1% of its income to help the poor. Is the Mormon church really a charitable organization?

The best estimates are that the church's assets are around $100 billion and that tithing runs $4.5-6.5 billion per year. But no matter how you slice it, humanitarian work is a small, itty, bitty part of church expenditures.

Even many individuals and corporations spend more than 1% on charitable work:
Wal-Mart - 1.5%
Ford - 2.2%
JP Morgan 2.1%
MBNA - 1.4%
UPS - 1.1%
GM - 1.23%
Avon - 3.97%
MetLife - 1%
Prudential - 1.22%
Eli Lilly - 1.4%

According to the IRS, the average charitable contribution is 2.2%.

Why is it that several large corporations and the average gentile are more charitable than the one and only true church upon the face of the whole earth? Again we come back to the fact that the church spends very little of its wealth and income on helping the poor and unfortunate. It spends about 1% of tithing on helping the poor. If you include investment income, it's much less than 1%.

Why does there need to be a corporate side? Why does the church need to buy malls, hotels, restaurants, condos, ranches, farmland, Oahu land, resorts, TV stations, radio stations, newspapers, and insurance companies? How does owning these things contribute to the 3 missions of the church of perfecting the saints, redeeming the dead, and preaching the gospel?

The real point is that the church gets more money through tithing and investment income than it knows what to do with.



When I had the opportunity to go to the ExMormon Foundation Conference last October in Salt Lake City, I had a conversation with someone who was walking away from the church while her husband wanted to stay in the church. They had a dilemma... how would they come to an agreement on tithing? It was important to him, but not to her. They eventually came to a decision to donate the money to a charity that shared it's finances with it's donors and helped people. They know where the money is going, and they know the good it's doing. There is no question that their money is going to the right place, and they both believe God would be okay with that. The man's bishop is a different story, however, and he is no longer a temple recommend holding member. It's ridiculous! God obviously wants the church to have the money more than a young kid who needs food.

Let me share another gem from MormonThink.com:

Growing up in the church many of us took pride in saying that our bishops and other local leaders are not paid like ministers of other religions. Although that's true, there are at least 100 or so leaders in the LDS Church that are paid, such as the 12 apostles, First Presidency, and the First Quorum of the Seventy. People naturally wonder how much they are paid. Most members are under the impression that the General Authorities receive some sort of living allowance or stipend. We don't have definite answers as that information is also kept private by the church. A few fair comments before discussing it further:

  • Many of the General Authorities were wealthy before entering GA status.
  • Some make additional money by writing books.
  • Many sit on the boards of corporations owned by the Corporation of the President and of course receive director pay as a member of the board.
  • Some own stock in companies controlled by the corporation of the president.
  • Some own companies that have contracts with the corporation of the president.
  • Some own real estate companies that buy property that the church then purchases.

All of the published salary levels for non-ecclesiastical positions are relatively low. In the church postings listed on church bulletin boards for accountants, engineers, etc. The salaries are less than what most people would earn in the private sector. Church Education System teachers are not over paid but do have good benefits. So the question is, do the General Authority salaries follow suit or are they significantly different? Perhaps one thing to consider is the housing provided to Mission Presidents. All of the Mission President homes we've ever seen have been luxury homes. Even mission presidents sent to developing nations live in luxurious quarters, their children attend expensive private schools for expatriates, and the church provides servants. It's quite a difference between where the younger missionaries and older couple missionaries live and where the Mission presidents live. If this is proportional the higher up the ladder in the church, then the GAs may receive significant compensation.

Regardless of the salary, being a General Authority has a lot of financial perks. Many are given a place to live, paid travel, chauffeurs, limos, paid expenses, etc. And of course the members are very helpful to the GAs. For example, the billionaire LDS member Brother Huntsman gave President Hinckley free use of his corporate jet all throughout his tenure as President


Something to think about, huh?

One thing that has annoyed me from the time I was a small child, is the thought that tithing is life insurance. As long as you pay, God will look out for you. If you don't pay your tithing, your blessings will diminish and your life won't be as fulfilling.

Let me tell everyone out there that I have never paid tithing. Never. Not one red cent. My life has been wonderful. Sure, bad things have happened to me, but the good has far outweighed the bad. I can also point out that tithing paying members have bad things happen to them, right? Where is this "insurance?"

While my father was fighting cancer, I drove to Southern Utah to stay with my Dad's sister for a couple nights while I checked out a school down there. Not one, but two of my aunts constantly made comments about how they were blessed because they paid their tithing. They didn't say these things in front of me, I accidentally overheard them. Were they implying that my father had cancer because he wasn't an active tithe payer? Probably not. They were certainly convinced they had the invisible insurance that others didn't.

"Listen, Sweetie... I would love to go to the temple so we had better start paying our tithing..."

My Mom has mentioned many times that she would love to have the money back that she once gave the church. She was taught from a young age that the only way to be with my father in heaven again was to go to the temple and get sealed as a family. Can you go to the temple without paying tithing? Nope. Sure can't.

That money sure would come in handy now that she is paying a mortgage and looking for work!

Done ranting now...

Andee

P.S. If a believing Mormon leaves a comment claiming that my Mom would find a job if she paid her tithing, I will post it for the world to see. That is classic cult thinking right there.


Read more »
6 comments

You Are Not Worthy

Posted by: Andee / Category: , , , ,


A random topic on PostMormon.org inspired me to post this. It's a dilemma most Mormons have had to deal with... heck, non-Mormons have to deal with it, too.

All Mormons are told that God wants them to have a temple wedding. Trouble is, you have to be "worthy" to walk into a temple. You not only have to be a member of the church, you have to be a member in good standing. This means:

  • Paying 10% tithing to the Mormon Church
  • Attending services regularly
  • Fulfilling callings
  • Following the Word of Wisdom (which includes things like no coffee/tea)
  • Sustaining the president of the church as a prophet, seer and revelator
  • Being one with the teachings of Mormon doctrine
There are others that I can't think of at the moment. Forgive me.

So, what does a young man/woman do when they want to get married in the temple? They have to realize that their church gets to decide who is worthy to attend their wedding. There is so much pressure on couples to marry in the temple that most make the decision to have the temple ceremony without some of their family and friends in attendance. These family and friends are usually welcomed at the reception later, but it's just not the same thing... is it?

The whole thing has always struck me as judgmental and arrogant... even as a believing member.

Why would God want a young woman, for example, to marry without the people who raised her, funded her education, bandaged her boo-boos by kissing them and making them better, loving her and bringing her into the world in attendance?

How is that in line with family being important?

It's a slap in the face to people that are not Mormon when they find out they are judged as unworthy.

Some of these people might be sweeter, more honest, and loving than some of the temple recommend carrying people that can walk through the temple door! Let me remind everyone that one of my uncles attended the temple when my father's temple work was done a few months after he passed away. He attended the ceremony higher than a freaking kite on heroin.

Why was my uncle considered worthy, and I considered unworthy?

The rules and guidelines make no sense to me. The whole temple sacred/secret thing pops up when you think about this topic, but that doesn't really explain why God would want a marriage ceremony to be so exclusive to begin with. Why marriage? Why not do what some couples do and have a normal wedding and then get sealed in the temple later on?

As a kid growing up in the LDS Church, temple marriage was mentioned constantly. It was preached as the right thing to do, and that the pain it might cause some family members would be worth it because you were doing right by God.

Maybe I just don't get it...

I just don't understand why God would want it that way.

Andee


Read more »
8 comments

Sneaking Into The Temple

Posted by: Andee / Category: , , , ,

Update: The video was taken down. Shocking, isn't it?

Here is another clip of the endowment ceremony on Big Love!



Big Love has opened the discussion on the Mormon temple and it's ceremonies. For those who don't know, Big Love is a series on HBO about polygamous families and their lives. I don't have HBO, so the only thing I have seen is this clip of a ceremony:



Go ahead believing Mormons... yell and scream at me for posting the ceremony. I am prepared.

Anyway...

I thought the ceremony was portrayed with respect. They were obviously showing the scene from the eyes of someone who honored the temple and it's ceremonies... they were not making fun of the temple in my opinion.

A discussion brewed about people sneaking into the temple because one of the characters sneaks into the temple during the show. Many were wondering how this was even possible, and I am here to remind everyone that it is definitely possible. There are many examples, although I am only aware of this one at the moment:

Eight Hour Lunch Podcasts: Possummomma Goes to the Temple

Possummomma was raised a Catholic and became roommates with a Mormon in college. Said roommate was questioning Mormonism and you will have to listen to the rest!

Andee


Read more »
6 comments

More Temple Ceremony Quotes

Posted by: Andee / Category: , , , ,


Many more people have added quotes about their first experience in the temple ceremony, here are their quotes:

I can understand the frustration and anger over this issue. I was shocked, too, as I took out my endowments before my mission eight years ago. Having all my family and close ward members at the temple as I was invited to enter this secret combination of signs and tokens was not what I expected, and yet, at the time, I was so pressured to accept and embrace this new level of church committment that I conviced myself that this had to be the real deal. I do feel angry at times, too, when I look back and see how much social pressure I was under and how many questions I buried within myself because I felt like I would be rocking the boat if I did anything but faithfully accept all that I was given. I, too, wish that I was stronger at the time to take a stand for myself, but I such decisions take maturity and time. I'm just glad that I'm where I am today. I'm sure we all are. There are many moments when I feel angry towards the church, but I try to concentrate on the present and be thankful that I am a better person today. I can't change what happened before, but I can certainly live my life now and be grateful for what I do have.

-------------------------

Did any of you take the temple prep class? I did and it prepped me for.... NOTHING! WTF? And I thought when I went to the temple I would be much more in tune with the spirit and many of my questions would be answered. Instead, like most of you, I was embarassed, confused, and even horrified. My mother, who kept pushing me to finally go to the temple (I was 40 I think, and married to a nevermo), is such a level headed, intelligent person. And here she was dressed in a funny hat and apron. Beyond weird!!! I still can't wrap my brain around it. And of course I can't talk about it to my family because it's "sacred" (sacred my ass - silly is more like it).

Actually, I also have to complement the boys at the COB. They pulled it off! They instituted a incredibly strange, icky ceremony and called it sacred and told members that they should never discuss it (outside the temple and you really can't talk inside the temple). And if you do have questions and issues like we all have - if you want to go to "heaven" you shut-up and go to the temple. Also, even if cog-dis. sets in, you pretend that you are having a spiritual experience so you fit in. And sometimes you can even talk yourself into thinking it is spiritual - for a little while anyway.

All I can really say now is YUCK !

--------------------------

Yeah, I think they intentionally have us go to the temple right before our mission. We already have a two year commitment and a ton of social pressure. The perfect time to throw in a crazy ceremony without any worry that we'll have the balls to back out.

I went about three days before I got on the plane to Brazil for my mission. I'm already a pretty quiet guy, but after the endowment, I said almost nothing. I was in some sort of confused stupor. My older brother had given me a small warning, but no one else had mentioned anything. Even afterward no one really seemed to care that it bugged the crap out of me. No one told me that it was weird for everyone.

I personally have a mission. I want to tell all my good friends who are still members that the temple is staight up wacked. My brother is planning on getting married in the temple this year. I'm going to give him the warning I never got. I want to warn every girl who plans to get married in the temple but doesn't know what is in there.

I know I'll have to be careful to not come off as an unbelievable anti-mormon, but everyone deserves to have some idea of what they are getting themselves into before they go to the temple. People can ask me to be quiet about other aspects of the church that I don't like. I respect that people can believe how they want. But I will not be quiet about the temple. I think it causes a lot more pain and discomfort than it does good.

--------------------------

Lots of memories, but the first one that came to mind was sitting separated from my husband (which irritated the hell out of me) and listening to this whole thing - the death threats, the super-dramatic asides from Satan - and trying desperately to find the sacred spirit in there. The temple was my last hope, the one place I was absolutely sure to feel SOMETHING. Instead what wasn't bizarre was just silly. I must have had quite a look on my face because my husband, who had gone through as a missionary, said something about it in the Celestial Room and, afraid to admit that once again God hadn't spoken to me (because, natch, it was all my fault) I just said I had been concentrating really hard so I wouldn't miss anything.


One other small memory of other times I went - being sure that some part of the whole kit was going to come loose at the wrong time and fall off. Surely God smites you if your apron ribbons slip after Satan done warned you about nekkidness.

--------------------------

Before I went I attended a temple prep class. (Totally useless). (I was 18, btw) One of my amazing wonderful leaders who I still love inspite of her being a total TBM told me a few weeks before I went that she herself didn't like going and hadn't been in 5 years b/c she thought it was weird and didn't like to stand up and sit down over and over.

That is what I had to go off of when I went for the first time. My first time was the night before my temple wedding. The 2nd time was the next day right before my temple wedding - we did a session and went straight into the sealing room - I was in my wedding dress.

Honestly, I wish I could remember more about both days, but I guess I've blocked it all out. Both times I just thought that it was totally bat shit crazy, but that *I* must just not be righteous enough and that was why I wouldn't allow myself to love it.

I never liked it though. Not for a second. There wasn't any moment ever that I enjoyed going - and I've been more times than I can count.

Honestly, the part I hate the most is the Celestrial room. I know most people like this the best, but I just felt totally uncomfortable having all these weird dressed people walking around in total silence with this "spiritual" look about themselves. Being in a situation like that makes me feel totally vunurable and out of place and totally uncomfortable. All the wispering. All the uber face sympathetic smiles from everyone. And the worst part, the way my DH acted while we were in there. He gets so affectionate and happy and fake and I just can't explain it but I just can't stand it! He, on the other hand, says that he always feels the spirit and feels so full of love in the Celestrial room. I guess that is where the disconnect is b/w him and I. I just want to get the hell out of there and he wants to stay and cuddle.

And this may sound harsh, but I hate the way the temple is decorated. Everyone always says how beautiful it is, and I guess it is if that is your taste, but I always felt that the temple rooms were very starchy, hotel lobby-ish, and gawdy with all the cream and gold. I felt like I was sitting in a rich great-Aunt's stuffy mansion.

I didn't hate the entire ceremony initially b/c I just thought it was so F-ing weird that I couldn't decide if I should hate and loathe it or laugh my ass off at it. The movie was slightly entertaining - especially since I am a friend of a friend of "satan" in the movie - so I would just laugh at that part. I did hate how I coulnd't sit with my DH ever though. And I hated how he had an indention on his forehead the rest of the day.

Okay, I said I hated the Celestrial Room the most - I guess I hated it the 2nd most b/c the #1 thing that I HATED just loathed from the first second I ever learned about it was the damn veil that women wore. I hate things on my head first off - I even felt silly with a bridal veil on at my wedding - but the worst part was having to cover my face up with it. That just got my blood really boiling.

I feel cheated out of a real wedding. I can never get that back. I could renew my vows, but it just isn't the same. I didn't have bridesmaids. I know many who have temple weddings do, but my parents said I didn't need them and that it was a waste of money. They are there to help you get ready for your wedding, and since I was getting married in the temple there was no reason to have any. Almost none of my friends came to my wedding. They were all off to college at the Y. I didn't have a flower girl or a ring bearer or the wedding march music. And worst, I had my reception in our ward building. My mother, bless her, tried to dress it up by renting all these arches and greenery and it did look nice, but there was still a carpeted basketball court on the floor and accordian doors.

Instead of having this big joyous wedding day, I just wanted for it to be over b/c I felt so out of place in the temple. Even the ceremony was a bust. I didn't get to say "I do". They make you say "yes". Everyone in the room was "so full of the spirt" that they were crying. I felt cold hearted b/c I wasn't emotional and I TRIED to make myself cry - at my wedding - over the croqucheted alter. I felt guilty and crappy and not good enough to feel the spirit on my own wedding day!

I haven't been through a session in a few years. I went to a wedding there about 2 years ago, but no session thank god. That is the last time I've gone. My reccomend expired a few months ago and the bishopric asked me when I wanted an interview. I told him I'd call him later to set it up. I'm not calling. He knows I don't have one and I think he knows I don't plan on getting one. Who cares!

Temple weddings: In case you are curious, I don't remember a thing about what was said at my wedding, but I do remember some of what was said at the one I went to 2 years ago. Basically the entire ceremony the guy focused on lecturing the bride and groom about multiplying and replinishing the earth. He went on and on about their ancestors and also future generations and how these are turbulant times and it is our calling and mission to raise up large families. He must have spent 20 minutes talking about them being a baby making factory. Then, when he married them it took less than 20 seconds, and that was it. They got up, hugged everyone, and we all left. So 20 minutes on making babies, and 20 seconds on everything else.

-------------------------

My reaction: W... T... F...

I had had what I would consider my first "cultish" experience at scout camp when I recieved my Order of the Arrow (OA). I remember that there were some secret rituals involved with the OA ritual. Needless to say, my first visit to the temple blew the OA out of the water on the cult-o-meter. All I could think about after my visit to the temple was how bizarre the ritual was, and how different it was from anything that I had experienced in church up to that point.

------------------------

I went through the temple the day before I left on my mission. No one from my family was with me as my dad was (recently) dead and my mom had not been endowed. We were converts so since my dad was initially not a member and never very active when he did join, my mom never got to go.

My bishop (who was a pretty good guy) took me. A bunch of the ward members were there to see me through. I was excited and scared as I had no idea what to expect.

Like [another poster], I was thrown by the whole money changers in the temple thing. In context, the Biblical money changers were doing the same thing: selling goods necessary for temple use. In their case it was the various animals for sacrifice, but isn't it the same thing?

I shook that off an then was hit with the whole let's get your clothes off and put this open-sided shield on you. I have what I jokingly call a "healthy body shame" so I was thrown for a loop by that. But I knew it had to be all right. This was the pinnacle ordinance wasn't it? The garments weirded me out too. I had never seen them before.

The session itself was unremarkable, except for the fact that I did sort of hope to see Eve totally naked which made me feel guilty. Then midway through the session, I remembered an unconfessed sin (I had "borrowed" club money from a school club I was in charge of and never paid it back). I didn't confess it because I didn't remember doing it, but I was filled with dread and guilt. I wanted to die. It only got worse when I got to the MTC, but that's another story.

Once we got all the gear on, I couldn't get the image of Monty Python's John Cleese wearing it doing his silly walk. That brought on another surge of guilt. I shouldn't make light of sacred things. But I couldn't get the image out of my head.

When I went through, they still had the throat slashing, disemboweling parts, but strangely, that didn't bother me. I took it that the evil anti-Mormons would be doing these things to me unless I revealed the secrets, not that I would have it done to me for revealing it. The whole secret combinations notion came to me, but I pushed it aside.

To contrast, my wife was very well prepared for her first time by our bishop at the time. He pretty much went through it with here without giving the details. He was really thorough about it. As a consequence, she wasn't bothered at all.

------------------------

I was a relatively recent convert to the Church and was going on a mission. I flew from Eastern Canada to stay with a family in Bountiful and a couple of days before I was to enter the MTC I went to the Salt Lake Temple for a live session. It was very weird...confusing...I was trying to have it make some sense. Of course to those who have been drinking the Koolaid for a long time, their response is that you need to pray more and fast, read your scriptures and soon the spirit would manifest itself to you. I think as I look back I was interested in doing it because I felt I was doing something "important" (boy was I hooked) and actually would run from the end of one session to get back in line for a new name and the start of another one. I used to get frustrated and was so judgmental when I'd see someone sleeping in during the movie. Now I feel so betrayed and stupid. When you're young...not well educated...and looking for others to help give your life some direction you can sure be susceptible to some stupid stuff. And it troubles me all the more that I raised my children in the Church. And worse yet that as I have come to learn about the Church and have distanced myself from it that my kids have grown closer to it. I suspect that there's a lot of similarity between this and having your buddies or as a young person, the adults that you trust and respect, take you to your first KKK cross burning and initiation. From the untrained eye, it sure looks alot like it.

----------------------

This discussion reminds me of one time when I forgot the name of the day. Of course they ask if there's anyone who has forgotten it, and suddenly it occured to me that I hadn't been paying anough attention because I had no idea what it was. So they took me out, and the temple worker said (or I THOUGHT he said), "Remember the prophet, Brother."

I looked at him blankly. He said "The prophet Joseph?" And I said, "Ooooh, okay..."

We went back in, did the whole endowment, I thought the name "Joseph" in my head at the right time, then at the veil we got to the part where you have to reveal the New Nom de Plume of the day, and I said, "Joseph..."

The assistant at the veil looked at me and said, You mean Hyrum, don't you?" Suddenly it occurred to me that the temple worker hadn't said "Remember the prophet, Brother," but rather "Remember the prophet's brother..."

For a long time I wondered whether the poor guy I was doing work for and on behalf of would be cheated out of the CK because I had thought the wrong New Name in my head.

One thing that confused me though was how everyone seemed to know the secret name but me! I hadn't learned yet that the name is the same for everyone on a given day.


Read more »
0 comments

Temple Ceremonies

Posted by: Andee / Category: , , , , ,


Ahh, don't worry... I am not going to post photos of the Mormon temple ceremonies even though they exist in millions of places (including on this blog, and believe me... I had an opportunity to post a photo of the Pillsbury dough boy dressed in temple garb showing off one of the heavenly token handshakes that cracked me up!) This post is about all the freaking out from Mormons everywhere about Big Love, and HBO series about polygamy, showing part of a temple endowment ceremony.

Obviously, I don't believe that this ceremony is sacred. Just my opinion, of course. It's clear to everyone who studies Mormon history that the ceremony is largely stolen from the Masons. Many believing Mormons tell me that this is because the Masonic ceremony came from Soloman's temple (riiiight). Don't buy it. Joseph Smith was a Mason, and he borrowed the ceremony. Pure and simple.

Just for the sake of argument, lets pretend God is up there and he wants to make a way for righteous people to gain tokens to heaven (or whatever else this is supposed to do). Do you really think that God would use secret handshakes and chanting?

Come on, really?

The whole thing is laughable to me. How easy would it be for someone to steal these tokens and handshakes? Obviously it's very easy, because anyone can find these handshakes if they do their homework, right? Why would God make it so easy for people to fake their way into heaven?

To many, the temple ceremony isn't sacred at all... and the only thing that made them once think it was sacred was that Joseph Smith and other church leaders through history told them so. I thought I would take some quotes from PostMormon.org (hope these people don't mind... I am not sharing usernames because the subject matter is somewhat personal) about their first experience in the temple.

Let me warn believing Mormons reading from this point on that some of the comments might seem offensive because a good portion of them are negative. If I have learned anything at all from comments on this blog, it's that some members assume anything wavering from the cookie-cutter "The temple is sooooo wonderful" statements they hear in church from friends and leaders is wrong, angry, bitter and prompted from Satan. If you don't want to be offended, stop reading. Right. Now.

----------------------------

I personally was so put off by the experience that I didn't go back and subsequently blocked a lot of the experience from my memory. I'd rather have a colonoscopy. At least I'll know how healthy my bowels are, because I do remember swearing under punishment of disembowelment to not divulge the secret handshakes and whatever else I blocked out of my memory. I'm sure with enough mushrooms the whole experience would come back to me. Hopefully nobody shows up at my door demanding my innards.

------------------------

Excited, enter temple, undress, put on crazy sheet, confused, scared, dress, watch movie, bored, stand up and screw with goofy costume, bored, confused, stand in circle and chant, scared, play tiddlywinks with stranger through sheet, confused, wait in celestial room....then leave... Ultimately it was a huge let down. It was kind of amusing, I mean who knew the temple was so bat shit goofy.

-----------------------

In my first endowment session, I sobbed LOUDLY through the whole thing pretty much. My friend next to me asked if I was crying because of the spirit or because it was weird. I answered "weird". I think it must have been pretty obvious I was freaked out by it.

The really weird thing, if you ask me, is that everyone just ignored it. None of those nice temple workers took me aside and said, "Are you sure you want to go through with this? You don't have to, you know", or "Is there something I can help you understand?" I was getting married the next day, so I pretty much felt I had to.

I was comforted by telling myself that if it was true, I wanted to make these covenants, and if it wasn't, it didn't matter. I remember feeling somewhat happy/relieved when I went through to the celestial room and there was my fiance waiting for me. (If I were him, I might have pretended not to know me after the scene I'd made ).

------------------------

Was a bit nervous, very open-minded, sort of excited. Got into the temple thinking how totally cool this was. Then I was taken to the counter to rent the temple packet. As the cash register went "ka-ching" I had my first powerful "WTF?" moment in the temple.

Money-changing? In the temple? I thought this was the House of the Lord; didn't he beat people with a whip for doing exactly this?

Then they told me to get completely undressed and put this poncho on. Feeling VERY much exposed and much more nervous at this point, I was led to the room to get washed and anointed... by far my least favorite part of the whole thing... and stepping into that baggy one-piece garment... and then when I got my special, secret, New Name... "Nimrod." Nimrod?

Really?

REALLY?

At this point I just started to see myself going through the whole experience as though I was watching someone else do it. This was NOTHING like the special, peaceful spiritual experience everyone had told me I would have; it was just odd, uncomfortable, weird, and totally beyond any rational comprehension. I told myself that if I thought it was strange, it was because my heart and mind were not in tune with the Lord's because His ways are perfect and beyond our understanding. I learned not to trust my own thoughts and feelings at that point. The whole experience was like this from beginning to end.

Secret handshakes? What about amputees? Do they just imagine themselves doing the handshakes or what? What about people who have short-term memory disorder? They won't be able to remember the handshakes they need! Surely God can make allowances for them; then why not for me? Won't God know me without the stupid signs and tokens? Isn't it enough that I try to be the best person I can be? Do I really need to pass a silly ceremonial test and put on a really stupid looking hat to get into Heaven? The whole thing was a massive shot of cognitive dissonance. It really seemed more like something a 19th-century charlatan would invent than something an almighty creator would ordain. I told myself that the oddness was cultural. I kept telling myself the problem was with ME, not with the temple. What a good sheep I was...

I went back many times because I sincerely wanted to understand; I wanted to tune my heart and mind to the will of the Lord. Secretly though I always dreaded it deep inside precisely because it was incomprehensible, weird, uncomfortable, and more than a little boring, and because the more I pondered it, the LESS sense it made.

The temple is possibly the thing I miss the LEAST about the church... well, no, the temple recommend interviews actually take that place... but the temple experience itself is not too far behind.

----------------

The endowment ceremony was a major mindf**k for me. I had no prior information (this was a week before I got married) and as I was walking in, a missionary was at the front office with what looked to be throw-up all over the front of his shirt---nice start! I felt right then that if this missionary didn't feel worthy, what the hell was I doing there? The washing and annointing was beyond frightening--taught all those years that my physical self was off limits and to have the little old ladies touching me---eee gads. The endowment ceremony really threw me off also. What was with the men and women being segregated? Also, the pizza hats were way too much! Hilarious in a creepy way. The temple workers were mean and impatient. I was annoying them to death with not getting my clothes right and they let me know I was a disaster. I think the thing that put me over the edge was the secrecy and the the threat of death at every turn---adding dread fear to Mormon guilt was a deadly combination and I believe the masterminds at COB should be given special recognition for a job well done. At the veil, I was chastised for forgetting and felt (as I usually did with anything mormon) that I could never do it right. Also, creepy to be holding hands and touching knees with an old guy who determines your ability to enter the kingdom by knowing a groovy handshake---really ghetto in todays terms! Oh yeah, the temple workers lost me for 3 hours--I just sat on a bench waiting for someone to figure out where I was supposed to be. It ended up being a seven hour ordeal for me.

--------------------------

I went thru just before I entered the MTC. My parents couldn't travel out here with me, so I was there with a family friend and my great-grandpa.

When I had interviewed with the SP, he asked me if my parents had explained the temple clothes to me. I said yes, 'cause, duh, they wear white in the temple! Man, thanks for preparing me!

Pretty much the whole thing freaked me out! I had no idea what to think. Here I was leaving for a mission and I get all this thrown on me. Why didn't anyone prepare me about how weird it was all going to be? All I had ever heard was how special and spiritual it all was. I didn't feel special or spiritual! I felt dazed and confused!

I tried being a good TBM over the years, but it just didn't get any better. I am so glad that I am done!

--------------------------

I hated the whole damn thing.

During the ceremony I looked over at my dad a few times. I loved and trusted that guy, and yet he let me come here, knowing me, knowing my distaste for anything cryptic or bullshitful, knowing the ceremony, and not giving even a word of warning? He knew that I couldn't even stand scouting for all the various handshakes, laws, oaths, and old guys telling us how this would turn us into real men. How could he not have seen what was coming? Why didn't he warn me? Did he really value the temple oath of secrecy more than me? He wouldn't even have to tell the juicy parts. Just, "Hey, Atrics, you're going to see and hear a bunch of stuff that will creep you out. Get ready, because you won't like it. It's like scouts, like the Order of the Arrow on acid. Just shut up, do what you're told, and try to not laugh out loud." A hint that it might be humorous would have been a tremendous relief, a different outlet for what turned into pure agony. I don't think I've ever felt more sold out by my father. He's really a good guy, too. I remember once, when I was a deacon, how during a stake priesthood meeting he voted against a proposal by our stake, wanting to buy some recreational property. My dad was the first man to raise his hand in opposition, although right after that about five other men did too. I thought he was so awesome, daring to express his real opinion in the face of all that group-think. I really had seen him as a stud of integrity. You might not believe this, but I had never seen him lie. But here he was, more loyal to promises extorted from him, allowing me to be similarly extorted, not giving even a word of warning. In fact, he wouldn't even look at me.

I glanced around at all the more experienced Mormons, speechless while faking spiritual orgasm, and thinking what a bunch of idiots. I hated them.

I hated being asked to dedicate my everything or go to hell. I hated the ostensible "of your own free will" crap, because I knew for certain that it was deliberate whitewash on something that was at best manipulative but more probably sinister. I don't know about the rest of you who went to the temple, but I was already committed before I knew what I was committing to. The only way out was through intense public shame and expulsion by my social world. In all my previous life experience, I had never before felt so betrayed. Only in the Mormon temple did I experience a full-pressure bait-and-switch.

I hated the damned garments and their amazing capacity to work their way right up my ass. In that entire experience, only the ass-irritating garments carried symbolic truth.

The next time I went to the temple was after I entered the MTC. I only went because we had to. Do that or go home. One guy from our group of eight left the MTC early. The rest made all the sympathetic comments that I knew translated to, "Pathetic loser!" The last day that my group of elders had to go to the Provo temple--tellingly shaped like a toilet bowl, a second symoblic truth--I vowed to myself that I would never ever go into that gawd-awful place again, that despite all the compromises and prostitution of my soul to which I had already submitted, I would at least stand my ground on this one point.

Argh! I am so angry thinking back on this. I'm angry at my parents for selling me out to something they could only hope to believe by closing one eye and trusting the generation that had lied to them. I'm pissed at my grandparents--my grandpa had been a mission president and surely knew that I was like the missionaries he had told us about, the ones who bucked and recoiled the whole time. Both of my grandparents lied about how I would love the temple and find deep symbolic truth and draw ever nearer to the Lord. Every time I went, they assured, I would see more deeply into the truth of the church. In retrospect I guess that they were right.

I'm disappointed in myself for not standing up, for not telling them all to go copulate with a cactus, and for not standing up with my integrity intact and leaving that loathsome place.

Today I again forgive myself: by that point of my life I was so demoralized and cowed by the searing self-doubt, the repeated lessons by people I trusted who indirectly told me that I was fundamentally evil for having sexual yearnings, moments of doubt, anger, or the arrogance to think for myself. I forgive myself, the young man who was laboring under the painful yoke of certainty that I inevitably would end up as a ministering angel, not having been bold enough for hell, but not being good enough to have love during the eternities. The only testimony that I ever really had was knowing that I was not and never would be good enough. That's what the church and the temple experience gave to me. It's branded into my soul.

I hate this church. I hate it.

-------------------------

It's been over half a century since I went for my personal endowments. Still I remember it as though it was yesterday. I was nineteen, a college kid, living at home. As a recent convert (thanks LDS girlfriend), I was anxious to fulfill the mission plan to temple marriage. I purchased G's to wear and my mom opened them. A saintly woman, she didn't say anything, but she gave me a strange look. Because my dad worked 'graveyard' shift, we'd been raised on quiet evening activities while he slept. Thus I kept a journal. I decided to 'return and report' on my temple experience.

I'm looking at that entry now. It is very revealing. I wrote about those who accompanied me, the route to the temple, the feeling of excitement. I wrote of the four rooms that my company traversed in the temple that day, the pretty murals, the chandeliers, the huge white chair at the foot of the staircase. I mentioned the quiet, reverent atmosphere. AND there my narrative ends. I'm an extrovert, I know no shortage of words. But on that day, nothing, nada, no comprehend senor! I couldn't bring myself to talk about the clothing we wore, the handshakes and oaths, the strange dialogue we listened to, the promises we made and/or forms of death that could be dealt out to us. It was so peculiar, so strange, that for once I was speechless.

Fifty years later, I'm still speechless. I recently decided to never set foot in such a place again. Give me a forest glen, an ocean shore, a mountain peak to commune with spiritual feelings.

------------------------



Read more »
3 comments