I don't know what I was thinking. My brain must have turned off and I was functioning without it. That has to be it, because normally I wouldn't do such a thing.
What did I do? Well, lets just say that I logged onto a Mormon faith message board and asked some questions about the things that were bothering me about the church. For the record, I did *NOT* lie to these people. I was completely honest. I told them that my testimony was in question (not a lie) and that I had questions I needed answers to (not a lie.)
This is one of the paintings I was shown as a child. Everything in this painting is pure fiction.My main questions were based on the translation of the Gold Plates by Joseph Smith. I shared the painting that I was shown as a child that shows the gold plates sitting on a table right in front of Joseph Smith and his scribe. Since doing more research I have learned that Joseph used a Seer Stone that he had before he found the gold plates and put it in a top hat, covered the light, and "translated" the plates with the plates buried somewhere else.
Questions: If it wasn't important that Joseph have the plates for translation, why was it necessary for him to dig them up in the first place? Couldn't the divine intervention that allowed him to translate the plates by use of a rock in a hat have done so without having to dig up and hide the plates over and over again?
Their reply was the usual... "You once believed that Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God. Why is it important to you how he translated if you know in your heart and the holy ghost testifies to you that he was inspired by God to restore the church?"
My reply was this: "If Joseph Smith translated the plates with a rock in a hat, why did the church teach me something different? Why was I lied to? Why was I shown paintings like this that didn't depict what really happened?"
They didn't understand how I had been lied to. They asked me over and over who I felt had lied to me and when. I told them over and over again that my church leaders/teachers lied when they told me a false story of the translation. They didn't see how that was lying.
Really?
The Church says that you should always be honest, why were they not honest with me about the history of the church? Why?
I will leave that one open...
Sydney
January 28, 2008 at 8:25 PM
Exactly! You've got another post that mirrors my own thinking. Members do that thing, deny that there has been any lying to, when it is clear to me now that the church is not honest.
Its one thing to edit out all of the bad parts in the bible to make faith promoting stories palatable to little children, but its another to outright lie to adult members and children alike about the very things we are supposed to base the truthfulness of the church one.
Its the little things, this is big actually, like this that got me thinking, and that thinking took me down a road that is leading me away from the church and religion as a whole.
January 29, 2008 at 8:49 AM
Thanks for the comments paranoidfr33k! I am glad I am not the only one who feels this way, but the way those people on the message board were talking you would think the church was the greatest institution in the world. I guess brainwashing will do that do you, huh? I can't believe that I actually thought that once... I am so thankful that I know the truth now, and I don't have to bust my ass trying to be perfect for these people trying to prove myself. The whole thing is so silly now that I look back with a different pair of eyes... and I feel it's partly my responsibility to try to make sure that doesn't happen to someone else. I would hate to see someone have to go through the things I did when I realized my whole faith system was a pile of crap. It's not fun, is it?
January 29, 2008 at 9:28 AM
sydney,
No, its not fun. Its excruciating because we have a complete 180 to do in terms of our belief systems and how we think about everything. Religion plays a huge role in society and and it has gotten to the point that families are defined by it. My family is very Mormon and its gotten to the point where I dread having to inform them about my disbelief. This part of my life turning into a huge drama within my own head because I don't want to cause my family harm and I don't want them to think of me as a lesser person just because I think differently than them. Its my biggest worry at this point. I don't worry about what my neighbors or church leaders think, but I do care what my family thinks. I have a brother that is in the same boat as I, and my family knows about him, but there has been history there that makes it easier for them to deal with him because he decided not to go to church when he was a teenager. I've been true to the church into my thirties so this will be a huge shock to them. I know I'll get through it, but its hard.
At any rate, you are not alone. I was pleasantly surprised with the support I received from the DAMU community. We have a huge bond that draws us together and it is very difficult to deal with all of the emotions and mental struggles that accompany leaving a religion behind. Its no small task, but we have it in us to rise above the challenge. Keep the faith, or un-faith in this situation, and you will get through it.
January 29, 2008 at 9:40 AM
Thanks again for the comments, good to know we have friends out there, isn't it?
*internet hug*
Take care of yourself, and email me if you ever need anything.