When I am Gone

Posted by: Andee / Category:

After reading a message board about funerals, my roommate and I got to talking about what we would like when we pass away. Neither one of us wants anything traditional. No church service please.

What would I like?

I would like to have a memorial outside (if the weather permits). I would love to have no set list or program of what was to happen at the memorial, instead I would like it if people just shared stories that made them happy. I would much rather be remembered by family stories of crazy Halloween costumes and triple chocolate fudge recipes than sad hymns and prayers.

During the memorial, I would love to have a dessert bar set up with coffee and soda... maybe some harder drinks for the non-designated drivers. All my favorite desserts would be set up... chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter bars, chocolate turtles, chocolate-dipped strawberries, and my ultimate favorite... white chocolate dipped pretzels.

Peanut Butter Caramel Bars... yummy.

I have never been sure if I wanted to be cremated or not... my Mom is kind of against the idea, but since we are both leaving Mormonism and we both have new ideas of the afterlife (if there is one) it's a decision I should make myself. If I decide to be buried, I would like to have female pallbearers (my Mom wants that as well.)

Now that I am free of the Mormon Church, I can hold the funeral the way I want it... and not the way the church wants it.

Mormon funerals have always been looked at as opportunities to share the Mormon gospel to non-members in attendance. The bishop usually gets up and gives a speech on what to expect in the afterlife according to Mormonism. I have been to funerals where the person who passed away were not even Mormon, and the bishop still gave this speech because they were in the mormon chapel. People who commit suicide (I have lost several family members and friends to suicide, and I always knew the Mormon thought process about suicide was wrong) are talked about like they are going to be in limbo forever... and the bishop warns those in attendance to get baptized and save themselves. It's ridiculous.

The funeral or memorial should be about the person who is gone, not about the church. It's a time to say goodbye to someone you love, and no cookie-cutter service will do. Something personal and meaningful is the best thing to do.

Just my opinion.