Windy Sydney

I have been thinking about formally resigning my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for about 5 months now. I keep going back and forth because I shouldn't have to spend any of my time telling them to leave me alone, or leave me out of it. Unfortunately for me, the church will continue to use me as a number on their tally-sheet.

I don't consider myself a Mormon. I haven't been a Mormon in a very long time... long before I started doing the major research I started months and months ago. I haven't been to a chapel since my father's funeral, and I found myself debating doctrine with family and friends before I moved to Florida.

The Mormon Church loves to talk about how the church is growing. How many members it has, and the last thing I want to do is to assist them with my number. I suppose it's probably symbolic, because they won't change their numbers... I know they won't. They haven't proven to be the most honest group, have they?

I still get angry about what I was taught compared to actual history. I want them to know that I am not going to stand for it, that I will tell people what I know if they ask, and that they can't have any power over me (they never did!).

My bishop stopped coming by the apartment unannounced after 3 weeks, I think he finally got the hint that I wasn't interested in talking to him... but maybe I was wrong by not answering that door. Maybe I should have had an open discussion with what I have learned and how I feel. Everyone reading this blog should know what would happen to me if I did that... I would be asked to appear for a "Court of Love" where they would debate excommunicating me.

What exactly have I done that is so wrong that I should be excommunicated? I didn't lie. As a matter of fact, I speak more of the truth than the church does. I didn't sin. I haven't stolen, killed anyone... what makes me such a threat? I will tell you. It's because I am not blindly obedient. If I am allowed to "stay" in the church, they think I will do damage to other's testimonies. I don't have to do anything but be here for people who are questioning like I did. The church is doing a good enough job of being inconsistent to get people to notice on their own. More and more people are going on websites like mine and realizing they are not the only ones with these questions. When you are not alone, you are not so scared anymore. They are afraid of that.

So what exactly would I have to expect if I was called to a "Court of Love?"

I would be asked to appear at a certain time, and place. I would be alone. I would be in a chair, facing a bunch of men (only men... lets face it, there would be no equality in a court of "love") who were there to judge me. One of them would read a list of things that I am being accused of, and another would come to my defense. It's like a courtroom with a public defender that really doesn't give a flying rat's ass. After they complain and tell me everything I have done wrong (probably with a slight smug grin on their faces) they will ask me to leave the room so they can pray and come to an agreement on what the Lord wants.

This is an example of the arrogance this church has. What right do they have to do this to people? What makes them think they have the authority to decide what God wants? What makes them think they have powers of priesthood? Ahh... the brainwashing.

So. I am still making up my mind. If I am called to a court of love, I will go out my way... I will say what I want to say and stand up to those assholes. If I resign, I will also go out my way, but it will be quiet but meaningful. I just need to decide which is best for me. What way do I need to end this?

One thing is for sure. It's going to end. Soon. I can't wait to be an official ex-Mormon.

-Sydney