Windy Sydney

"Andee, I will pray for you."

A friend of mine heard of my disbelief and told me this yesterday in an email. This phrase used to comfort me, but it no longer does. As a matter of fact, sometimes it outright pisses me off.

Let me explain...

I can no longer believe in prayer. When I say this, I don't imply that people who *do* believe in prayer are silly or wasting their time. I am simply saying that I have found prayer to be of no help to me whatsoever during my lifetime. It's not because my prayers went unanswered or because I was unworthy for my prayers to be answered. It's because regardless of what I want and what I pray for, God will do what he wants anyway. I think positively, and I wish good thoughts for all people... certainly God hears this as well, right? Why do I need to get down on my knees for it to count?

Let me share an extremely personal example:

Ten years ago my father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I was a believer in the church at the time, and I would pray for him to get better. I bargained with God that if my Dad went into remission that I would be the best person I could, and that I would become more active in the church. If there was anyone in the world that deserved that miracle, it was my father. He was an amazing man.

Did God answer my prayer? No. My father passed away months later. I don't blame God for this, nor am I angry at God for this... I understand because that is how the disease he had works. If anything, I was grateful for the time I had with him.

Regardless of what you pray for, God's will will be done, right? So, why bother the guy? Let's let him focus on things that are more important than the constant blessing of our food or your high school football team winning the big game.

The reason this pisses me off is because it is said with the implication that I am on the wrong path, or that people believe that God needs to point me in another direction. My direction is just fine. I am happy, healthy, and enjoy my daily existence.

I guess people find comfort in prayer, hoping that their thoughts and emotions will be heard and God will feel that they matter. What I find fault with is when people *only* pray.

Do you know how many people in the world pray for world peace, for example? Do these people do anything for the cause besides pray? How about people who pray for those who are hungry and homeless, do they also volunteer and donate time and money to help these people? Many don't. They think that prayer is enough.

It's not.

If our actions echoed the prayers, our world would be a much better place. Instead of pleading with God to make drastic changes, we can be the ones making the dramatic changes.

There are so many things out there that God should be worrying about that are more important than Mormonism and my lack of belief in it.

So, the only reason people want to pray for me is because I am not doing what they want me to do. I am not agreeing with what they believe. They find fault with this. Instead of agreeing to disagree on beliefs they want to change my mind. It doesn't matter to them that I am the happiest that I have ever been. They refuse to see that.

So, if you want to pray for me, let me ask you to instead spend that time actually doing something for someone else. Pay it forward instead wasting time begging God for changes you could make yourself.

It's so frustrating.

Andee