Much Better Now

Posted by: Andee / Category: , , , ,

Buddha Belly says, "She knows nothing about the church? You kidding me?"

You know, I was just left a comment from a TBM that told me I knew nothing about the Mormon Church.

I haven't laughed that hard in a reaaaaaally loooooooong time.

Thank you random TBM for the chuckle. I needed it. Hilarious!

Anyway...

I got to thinking about how my life is better without this "church."

I don't have to attend millions of meetings with people I don't like discussing what we made for dinner or how to color-coordinate your family home evening plans (yes, I was privy to that conversation once!) or how thankful we should all be that we have a living prophet who is so careful not to say anything that might be mistaken for a prophecy that could be proven wrong in the future.

Missing these meetings have opened my free time completely. I now enjoy a wide variety of hobbies including photography, blogging, and helping my friends on PostMormon.org as a moderator. Time is important to everyone. Time should be spent with the ones you love and doing the things you enjoy (as long as those things don't harm others). I will be damned if I give up my photography time to attend homemaking just because I happen to be female.

I don't have to confess my "sins" to a man who has no counseling experience or training on how to handle someone who has real problems. Bishops are just normal guys who suddenly have a title that makes everyone respect them. I often wonder why so many people assume there is revelation involved that suddenly makes their neighbor/dentist/whatever suddenly holy enough to determine someone else's self-worth.

I don't have to surround myself with the constant guilt and fear of making my Heavenly Father angry with me. Guess what? I have no idea if there is a God... and neither does anyone else. I know it upsets people to read that, but you don't "know." You "believe." BIG difference.

Surrounding myself with people who claimed to have all the answers (as long as I followed their rules and regulations) was really hard to handle. Not only did I have my own fears of upsetting God, but I had to deal with the constant worrying of my friends and family that I was going astray. This is enough mental and emotional blackmail to keep most people in the church, but I refuse to be a slave to that machine any longer.

I don't have to worry about the judgment of others. Don't get me wrong... I know they will judge me. The constant comments from believing Mormons is proof enough for that... I just have zero concern that they are right. Their feelings about how good of a person I am have no bearing on my life anymore. When people claim that I am a bad person when they really don't know me, it truly says more about them than it does about me.

I don't give a damn what people think about me, because I know that I am a good person and I treat people well. So, judgey-Mc-Judgersons: Judge all you want. Doesn't bug me. If it makes you feel better, so be it. No skin off my back. What you think simply doesn't matter. If there is a God up there watching us, taking notes, and keeping score, He will know that I did the best with what I was given... and so have many other people you have cast aside as sinners. Maybe you could learn a little from them.

I don't have to constantly endure my life... instead, I enjoy it. I take time to smell the roses. I have dinners with my family. I blog and meet new friends. I share photography online and learn from people all over the world. Life is to be enjoyed, not endured. I think many people forget that.

Most of all, I don't have to feel guilty for being who I am. I am okay. You have no idea how good it is to really feel that way.

Andee


2 comments:

  1. [kɹeɪ̯ɡ̊] Says:

    Most of all, I don't have to feel guilty for being who I am. I am okay. You have no idea how good it is to really feel that way.

    No *fucking* idea.

    It's every sort of awesome.

  1. maybemaybenot Says:

    Oh, I have an idea alright. I was emailing with a fellow blogger this weekend. He is currently in the "throws" of leaving the church and he has a TBM wife so he is getting all kinds of hell. I told him how much more peaceful and happy and fulfilled I am now that I have washed my hands of all of it. The last 10 years have been the best of my life. I only wish I had done it sooner.