Posted by: Andee / Category: , , ,

The other day at work a believing Mormon co-worker asked me why I didn't believe in the church anymore. I told her at least three times that I didn't want to be the possible cause of her loss of testimony, and that she should really be sure she wants to hear what I have to say. She did.

Since we were in front of other co-workers and customers, I couldn't say much. I quietly mentioned that Joseph Smith married two 14-year-old girls, and there is no way in Hell I could think of one good reason God would want him to do that. I asked her if she could think of a reason. The look on her face was shock. I honestly though she was going to cry.

"What else?"

"Joseph Smith hid many of his marriages from his wife, Emma. She didn't know he was marrying people behind her back... is that something a man of God would do?"

I had the same look of confusion and shock.

I dropped it because customers were starting to ask us questions.

Should I have kept my mouth shut?

This person keeps bringing up the church, and there are lots of things I don't feel right about talking at work. Should I write her a list of problems? I think I will...

Hey... She asked... right?



  1. Demand More Says:

    I say giver her your blog and a few others. Like that one at least gets all the major stuff out of the way. And maybe tell her about

    Thats a hard one. In any other state I wouldn't worry about work but in UT I would try not too. You never know who will here you and they can use that as an excuse to fire someone.

    Good luck!

  1. Andee Says:


    I have given her the link for the blog before, but I think that scares her a little. She thinks it's anti-Mormon because I am not agreeing with the church.

    I was hoping that if I put these things in a letter or list of some kind she would actually think about the questions instead of automatically tuning me out.

    If she keeps asking me these questions, she needs to know the answers some how... hmm...

  1. [kɹeɪ̯ɡ̊] Says:

    I think that what you did was just fine. She not only asked, but insisted. In fact, if she's at all willing to listen, telling her the truth is a good thing. She deserves to know.

  1. Truly Confused Says:

    Next time perhaps you can suggest you go to lunch and talk more? I personally believe that after you state you don't want to ruin their testimony and they keep asking, they want to know.

    You cannot hide something just because you think the truth (about the lies) will "scar" them. At some point they will hear the stories. They will decide if they want to be part of an organization like that.

  1. Andee Says:

    Thanks for the advice, guys.

    I am planning on talking to her more in depth than we get to at work. I would hate for someone to think I was pushing this stuff on them. She wants to know... and I will tell her.

    I will keep you all updated.

  1. Aerin Says:

    It will be interesting how she responds. I've heard many responses to Joseph Smith's other wives over the years. Sometimes people chalk it up to "milk before the meat" or some such nonsense. Or that it was common for people to get married at age 14 in that day and age.

    I agree with the lunch thing. I typically avoid all religious discussions at work like the plague, for this very reason.

  1. Will and Jessi Says:

    Well, she DID ask and you DID warn her that it wasn't a good idea. But she wanted to know anyway. From the way you describe her reaction, I think she might already have had doubts.
    --ColoradoCat =^..^=

  1. Andee Says:

    I see her at work today. I will see if she wants to meet for lunch to discuss things. I need to let her know that talking about it at work isn't a good idea. Thank you for the advice :)


  1. Elder Joseph Says:

    Something similar happened to me some time ago. An elderly Sister in the Ward just could not understand why I declined to believe and get baptised into the church, I had afterall attended for nearly two years, read the Book of Mormon, Tracted with the missionaries, and all the rest of it.

    I tried to tell her that she might be shocked so its best I don't tell her what I have found out.

    She insisted her Testimony is ROCK SOLID and from The Holy Ghost and that NOTHING can shake it.

    I went to see her at her home and she basically almost collapsed in horror at the first hurdle - Head in a Hat and Stone. She was crying , we were praying. I couldn't even believe myself how she really thought he wore a breastplate with two glass stones attached to it!

    Well she tried again sometime later again after the shock wore off and this time learnt about the Lying over Polygamy from me. I think she has learnt the lesson by now and understands why I chose to 'reject' the church's claims.

    How sad it all is and so unnecessary. I understand the dilemma totally.

    I'm glad I found out early on before I had committed my life, money and mind to this religion.

    The fallout could have been potentially devastating.

  1. Andee Says:

    Elder Joseph,

    That is going to be the case here. I find myself at a personal crossroads.

    I would hate to be the cause of the pain that I went through when I found out about all these lies... but I am glad I went through it. Sounds like the woman you spoke with was sad and in shock, I am glad you were there for her.

    It makes me angry when Mormons accuse me of trying to get people out of the church. It's not the case at all. It's hard for me to share the information I have to someone who seems so happy and at peace with what they believe. The whole thing sucks.

    If she approaches me about it again, I will make plans to talk to her at lunch.


  1. James Says:

    Please don't tear down her testimony. You don't need to prove something to yourself by trying to break her trust in the church. If she does insist on hearing information you don't need to present it like

    "Joseph Smith hid many of his marriages from his wife, Emma. She didn't know he was marrying people behind her back... is that something a man of God would do?"

    That statement may be derived from fact but is a very biased statement. You also fall victim to a few fallacies.

    You are not merely discussing the facts, you are deliberately trying to break her trust.