Some of my favorite Mormon and religion related quotes... hope you like them. If you have any to add, please do!
I knew someone who took more than one piece of bread on Fast Sunday if they had been broken too small . Excused himself by saying `He could never get enough of Jesus`. You can`t argue with that. - 04/16/2008 - by copolt
Mormonism isn't a religion, it's a Joseph Smith fan club. - 12/10/2006 - dick
When I was on my mission in Argentina my companion and I decided to perform a test to determine the validity of the "spirit". Some church members asked us to sing a church hymn in English so they could feel the spirit. Little did they know the song we sang to them was "Sweet Child of Mine" from Guns and Roses. After the song they were in tears and thanked us for bringing the spirit into their home. In summary I guess the Lord likes heavy metal too!! - 11/26/2007 by Kevin74
Just imagine if Old Joe was around for the Tomb of King Tut. We'd have "The Book of The Brother of Abraham". "The Book of Abraham's Dog", "The Book of Abraham's Cooking", and my personal favorite: "Abraham's Hieroglyphics for Dummies". - 09/09/2006 - Webz
"I am just so fricken happy to be one of those NOT worthy to attend and NOT still stuck in the church. I will be on the free side of the temple, the sane side of the temple, the normal side, wearing normal clothes! yee-haw." - 05/22/2005 - by Beaglie
I have always found real Mormon history to be the most "anti-Mormon" literature out there. - 04/08/2005 - danboyle
There is more evidence that Joseph Smith had sex with his plural wives than exists that he saw God and Jesus in 1820. - 04/06/2005 - Deconstructor
Mormonism can only exist in an information vacuum. - 03/23/2005 - Polygamy Porter
Apparently God needs to invest in some "Human Resources" help, He's doing a lousy job screening job applicants for prophet. - 02/15/2005 - Scott Tippetts
"One man's religious icon is another man's underwear". - 04/25/2004 - hermanuno
Eight million inactive Mormons can't be wrong. - 04/24/2004 -Stray Mutt
The LDS Corporation doesn't do apologies, only apologetics. - 03/29/2004 -blabber
Sometimes it just feels good to disrespect something that's disrespected you for so long! - 03/01/2004 - jlorz
Thank God Jesus never wanted me for a sunbeam. - 04/27/2004 - anon
If you believe an angel delivered golden plates to Joseph Smith, you'll believe anything. - 10/18/2003 - Thomas Murphy
Arguing with True Believing Mormons and drunks is like trying to teach a pig to sing: It accomplishes nothing and annoys the pig. - 10/20/2003 - Meow of the Recovery from Mormonism bulletin board
As they say, you can leave the Church but the Church can't leave you alone. - 07/18/2003 - Steve Benson
The fact that Mormonism has to have Fast and Testimony meetings every month should be an indication that people have to continually convince themselves of the veracity of the faith. - 07/07/2003 - Shakjula
The Mormon Church is a mind-controlling cult that, when you describe it as such, offends those whose minds are controlled. - 12/30/2002 - Steve Benson
It's a damn good thing I was born in the church, cause I sure as hell would never have joined it of my own volition. - 12/19/2001 - anon
I'm tired of a God who keeps truth so well hidden that so few seem to find it. - 05/09/2000 - Simon
It isn't that I have rejected God; it's simply that God and I have never met. - 01/21/2000 - anon
Earlier this season in the National Football League, several players used the "throat slash" as a way to celebrate scores or other big plays. The NFL banned these as disturbing and violent. I thought that was funny, since thousands of good little Mormon men & women did this daily in the pre-1990 temple ceremony, but the NFL had the sense to recognize it as barbaric. - 01/20/2000 - SwedenDC
The LDS Church abuses the word "testimony". In court, a testimony is giving what you know based on your observation. It is not a plant or a pet or something that "grows" and needs to be worked on. In fact, working on your testimony in a legal context could be perjury! If you view an accident, you testify on it based on your own personal account, not by reading other statements and weighing them against your own. Building a testimony sounds somewhat illegal to me. - 01/18/2000 - SwedenDC
An investigator - who seems to be very sympathetic to the Mormon message - commented that Joseph Smith was very likely a true prophet because true prophets have always been hated and persecuted, and Joseph Smith certainly was hated and persecuted. So...
- True prophets are persecuted;
- Joseph Smith was persecuted;
- Therefore Joseph Smith was a true prophet.
I suggested to him that we could also then reason as follows:
- Liars, scoundrels and con-men are persecuted;
- Joseph Smith was persecuted;
- Therefore Joseph Smith was a liar, scoundrel or con-man.
He didn't get it. I am going to suggest that he get baptized and start paying and obeying. - 01/17/2000 - Richard Packham
A home teacher sat in our living room once and with all seriousness stated that they had traced their genealogy back to Adam. We really like this particular man, although he is a bit ingenuous, but my non LDS husband sat there with a straight face and said, "That's interesting, ... we are descended from Eve's side of the family." - 10/14/1999 - Amy
When we were in Salt Lake on holiday last year the Hinckster was viewing the new tabernacle building from the observation deck of the Church Admin Building - we happened to be on the other deck so subsequently had to wait 20 minutes for the men in black to vacate. My 9 year old daughter was getting very impatient and commented "Why do we have to hang around for him - he's only a man". Out of the mouths of babes! - 07/23/1999 - Lucy
You can't reason with crazy. - 04/03/008 - proudapostate
"One cannot reason someone out of an opinion they did not arrive at by reason." - 04/02/2006 - anon
WHAT IS THE 14TH ARTICLE OF FAITH ???????????? WE BELIEVE IN MEETINGS : ) : ) : ) : ) - 07/24/2003 - -From One Who Has Been There/Done That
I am an agnostic; I do not pretend to know what many ignorant men are sure
of. -Clarence Darrow
October 9, 2008 at 5:47 PM
I love em! I hope you dont mind, I may have to write a post about some of these.
"One cannot reason someone out of an opinion they did not arrive at by reason." - 04/02/2006 - anon
So true.
October 9, 2008 at 10:21 PM
I don't mind at all! If you go to Salamander Society (its linked on the list) you can find more. :)