I Miss You!

Posted by: Andee / Category: , ,

I stopped going to church when I was 16 for a couple reasons.  The first, was that I was being groomed to be nothing more than a stay at home, Molly Mormon baby machine.  Second, because it was mind-numbingly BORING.  

I have said it before, I will say it a million times... there is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mother if you CHOOSE to be a stay at home mother.  There are girls I grew up with who are probably mothers of 5 or 6 by now... I can't imagine my life like that.  It just wasn't for me. If it's for you... fan-freakin-tastic.

When I talked to leaders about what I wanted for my life (medicine at the time) my leaders would often say things like, "But don't put off having a family..." or "There are children waiting for you to have them..."  

Are you kidding me?  How did they expect me to follow my dream while taking care of 4 kids in diapers?  They didn't, and we all knew it.

They were trying to make me feel guilty!  There are kids just waiting to be born, they said... I was being selfish by making them wait.  I needed to do what God wanted for me, not what I wanted for myself.  Blech... 

For the record, waiting to be a mother isn't selfish.  It's smart.  I am going to be emotionally, physically, and financially prepared for children when the time comes, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Anyway, as soon as I decided that being in the Young Women's program wasn't exactly my cup of tea (no pun intended) I became extremely popular.  Every Mormon girl wanted to suddenly hang out with me, they wanted to know more about what I did in my free time, they wanted to let me know they could give me a ride to church and mutual on Wednesday nights.

Did they really care about me?  No.  They were being told to befriend me to get me back to church.  Sad, huh?

Not one of these girls gave a rat's ass about me while I was actually attending the activities. They didn't wonder about my free time, or offer me rides.  It was only when they wanted something from me.  It's classic Mormon Love Bombing.

Now, for the dull part.

Any LDS Service is Dull.  People speak in whispers to invoke some spirit-filled feeling with the rest of the congregation.  There are musicical numbers played with just piano, or just organ.  If you are lucky, they might allow a flute solo (I played a few of those in my church-going days... band geeks unite!).  The talks are so boring.  

People sit in a trance-like state.  Only replying to the speaker when they hear the magic words: "In the name of Jesus Christ... Amen."  It was like someone snapped their fingers... people would start flipping through their church programs looking for the next thing... it could be a hymn or another talk... whatever... it was just noted that time had passed.  We were one step closer to getting the hell out of there.

Oh, and the countless visitors at my door...

Sometimes up to twice or three times a night.  There was one young woman's leader who was very upset that I suddenly stopped going to church.  She tried so hard to corner me in the high school one day (she was a substitute teacher) asking me if someone had hurt my feelings to make me stop attending.  It's almost like she took it personally that I didn't want to be a part of her little class.

She never let up, either.  It was like she was possessed.  Here is a sampling of what would happen on Wednesdays.  For those who don't know, Wednesday is the day all the young women meet for an activity (like making brownies, learning homemaking stuff) and all the young men would get to do something that was actually fun (like playing basketball in the cultural hall.)  This is called mutual.

Wednesday in school I would be approached by the leaders kids (one was in my class) asking me if I needed a ride to the acitivity.  I would reply, "No, but thanks," and I would move on.  Around 6 pm I would get a knock at my door... surprise, surprise... it's the leader.  "I just wanted to stop by to let you know what the activity was!  We are going to have such a good time, Andee! We really miss you!  Do you need a ride?"  It was about this time that I stopped being polite.  I blatantly told her I didn't want to go.  Period.  She was never sure what to say.  My Dad was even upset with me once because I wasn't acting nicely... he eventually realized I had reason to be so annoyed.

She would eventually drive off without me, blaming herself for my inactivity, wondering what she could do to get me back in the fold... 

A couple hours later, I would get another knock at my door.  Yep.  Her again.  This time, with all my "friends."  They wanted to stop by personally to tell me how much they missed me.  They made me some yummy cookies.  

"Um... thanks..." I usually threw the cookies away.  They annoyed me that bad.

It always irked me that my assigned friends would tell me they missed me.  Why did they miss me?  They saw me at school all damn day!  They wouldn't leave me alone for crying out loud!  How COULD they miss me?  I talked to them more as an inactive person than I ever did as an active church-goer.

What really got to this leader was that I was still a straight-A, honor student.  I was in the band, drama, sang solos in choir.  I wasn't into drugs or alcohol.  I wasn't attending sex parties or having multiple abortions.  She couldn't really put her finger on what happened.  It bothered her.

Wanna know something funny?  One of her kids got knocked up in high school. 

Gawd, the day we all found out was a good day for me.



  1. [kɹeɪ̯ɡ̊] Says:

    Wanna know something funny? One of her kids got knocked up in high school.

    HA! Too funny.

    You know for certain that if these people weren't told that they were bad people if they didn't annoy the hell out of you, they'd have never done any of it. They don't do it (the vast, vast majority of them) because they genuinely want to or would have even thought of it on their own, but because they're guilted into it - pretty much like everything in the church. It's not natural, it's guilt, pure and simple.