Windy Sydney

Some of my favorite Mormon and religion related quotes... hope you like them.  If you have any to add, please do!

I knew someone who took more than one piece of bread on Fast Sunday if they had been broken too small . Excused himself by saying `He could never get enough of Jesus`. You can`t argue with that. - 04/16/2008 - by copolt

Mormonism isn't a religion, it's a Joseph Smith fan club. - 12/10/2006 - dick

When I was on my mission in Argentina my companion and I decided to perform a test to determine the validity of the "spirit". Some church members asked us to sing a church hymn in English so they could feel the spirit. Little did they know the song we sang to them was "Sweet Child of Mine" from Guns and Roses. After the song they were in tears and thanked us for bringing the spirit into their home. In summary I guess the Lord likes heavy metal too!! - 11/26/2007 by Kevin74

Just imagine if Old Joe was around for the Tomb of King Tut. We'd have "The Book of The Brother of Abraham". "The Book of Abraham's Dog", "The Book of Abraham's Cooking", and my personal favorite: "Abraham's Hieroglyphics for Dummies". - 09/09/2006 - Webz

"I am just so fricken happy to be one of those NOT worthy to attend and NOT still stuck in the church. I will be on the free side of the temple, the sane side of the temple, the normal side, wearing normal clothes! yee-haw." - 05/22/2005 - by Beaglie

I have always found real Mormon history to be the most "anti-Mormon" literature out there. - 04/08/2005 - danboyle

There is more evidence that Joseph Smith had sex with his plural wives than exists that he saw God and Jesus in 1820. - 04/06/2005 - Deconstructor

Mormonism can only exist in an information vacuum. - 03/23/2005 - Polygamy Porter

Apparently God needs to invest in some "Human Resources" help, He's doing a lousy job screening job applicants for prophet. - 02/15/2005 - Scott Tippetts

"One man's religious icon is another man's underwear". - 04/25/2004 - hermanuno

Eight million inactive Mormons can't be wrong. - 04/24/2004 -Stray Mutt

The LDS Corporation doesn't do apologies, only apologetics. - 03/29/2004 -blabber

Sometimes it just feels good to disrespect something that's disrespected you for so long! - 03/01/2004 - jlorz

Thank God Jesus never wanted me for a sunbeam. - 04/27/2004 - anon

If you believe an angel delivered golden plates to Joseph Smith, you'll believe anything. - 10/18/2003 - Thomas Murphy

Arguing with True Believing Mormons and drunks is like trying to teach a pig to sing: It accomplishes nothing and annoys the pig. - 10/20/2003 - Meow of the Recovery from Mormonism bulletin board

As they say, you can leave the Church but the Church can't leave you alone. - 07/18/2003 - Steve Benson

The fact that Mormonism has to have Fast and Testimony meetings every month should be an indication that people have to continually convince themselves of the veracity of the faith. - 07/07/2003 - Shakjula

The Mormon Church is a mind-controlling cult that, when you describe it as such, offends those whose minds are controlled. - 12/30/2002 - Steve Benson

It's a damn good thing I was born in the church, cause I sure as hell would never have joined it of my own volition. - 12/19/2001 - anon

I'm tired of a God who keeps truth so well hidden that so few seem to find it. - 05/09/2000 - Simon

It isn't that I have rejected God; it's simply that God and I have never met. - 01/21/2000 - anon

Earlier this season in the National Football League, several players used the "throat slash" as a way to celebrate scores or other big plays. The NFL banned these as disturbing and violent. I thought that was funny, since thousands of good little Mormon men & women did this daily in the pre-1990 temple ceremony, but the NFL had the sense to recognize it as barbaric. - 01/20/2000 - SwedenDC

The LDS Church abuses the word "testimony". In court, a testimony is giving what you know based on your observation. It is not a plant or a pet or something that "grows" and needs to be worked on. In fact, working on your testimony in a legal context could be perjury! If you view an accident, you testify on it based on your own personal account, not by reading other statements and weighing them against your own. Building a testimony sounds somewhat illegal to me. - 01/18/2000 - SwedenDC

An investigator - who seems to be very sympathetic to the Mormon message - commented that Joseph Smith was very likely a true prophet because true prophets have always been hated and persecuted, and Joseph Smith certainly was hated and persecuted. So...

- True prophets are persecuted;
- Joseph Smith was persecuted;
- Therefore Joseph Smith was a true prophet. 

I suggested to him that we could also then reason as follows: 

- Liars, scoundrels and con-men are persecuted;
- Joseph Smith was persecuted;
- Therefore Joseph Smith was a liar, scoundrel or con-man.

He didn't get it. I am going to suggest that he get baptized and start paying and obeying. - 01/17/2000 - Richard Packham

A home teacher sat in our living room once and with all seriousness stated that they had traced their genealogy back to Adam. We really like this particular man, although he is a bit ingenuous, but my non LDS husband sat there with a straight face and said, "That's interesting, ... we are descended from Eve's side of the family." - 10/14/1999 - Amy

When we were in Salt Lake on holiday last year the Hinckster was viewing the new tabernacle building from the observation deck of the Church Admin Building - we happened to be on the other deck so subsequently had to wait 20 minutes for the men in black to vacate. My 9 year old daughter was getting very impatient and commented "Why do we have to hang around for him - he's only a man". Out of the mouths of babes! - 07/23/1999 - Lucy

You can't reason with crazy. - 04/03/008 - proudapostate

"One cannot reason someone out of an opinion they did not arrive at by reason." - 04/02/2006 - anon

WHAT IS THE 14TH ARTICLE OF FAITH ???????????? WE BELIEVE IN MEETINGS : ) : ) : ) : ) - 07/24/2003 - -From One Who Has Been There/Done That

I am an agnostic; I do not pretend to know what many ignorant men are sure
of. -Clarence Darrow