I'm Dreaming...

Posted by: Andee / Category: , , , ,

I took this photo today, I loved the color.

When someone leaves the Mormon Church, there is a grieving process, much like something you would go through when someone you love very much dies.

Something we loved very much did die.  Our belief died.  Our trust died.  Relationships died. Friendships died.  In some cases, those leaving the church are completely alone.  A spouse leaves with the children, extended family gossips about the horrible sins that you "must" have committed to determine the church false, or you find yourself completely without friends.  In a way, our way of life died.  We had to start over and learn things all over again.

The way our family and friends perceived us changed, and the way we looked at ourselves changed.  It's a painful process...

There was a point in our lives when we had all the answers.  We knew that we had to follow certain steps, endure to the end, and make sacrifices... but in the end we would be rewarded greatly with an eternal family in the Celestial Kingdom of heaven.  

We sat with our families in church meetings, bonding to each other as well as the doctrines that were taught to guide us.  Almost everything in our lives revolved around the church's approval. We wouldn't drink coffee or tea, we would pray daily, family home evening on Monday nights, mutual on Wednesday nights, Boy Scouts, Sunday meetings, priesthood, relief society.  The list goes on and on.

When you come to the conclusion the church can't possibly be true, and take the stance to stand up for your beliefs and not to support the church, your entire life changes.  It's one of the hardest things I have ever gone through, and I often wonder when I will stop feeling so hurt and angry. When will I have more power in my own life?  These things will come with time, I am sure.

My Mom and I went on a really long walk today, and we got to chatting about the church.  I turned to her, and said, "You know... I really wish that one apostle... someone... would just fess up and tell the truth."

I am dreaming.  That wouldn't happen.  There is no way in the world the church would ever admit it was wrong about anything.  They are, after all, supposedly run by a man who can chat with God at any given time... admitting they were wrong would mean that either God was giving them wrong information, or that they didn't know how to read the information God gave them. Yeah... that would happen.

I know that there are people out there who really believe in the Church, and they strive to be the best Mormons they can be.  These are good people, who don't hurt others or judge others.  I don't wish the things I have been through on them... but I have a hard time staying silent knowing they are being misled and lied to.

Where is the fine line I should walk here?

Do I want to bring the church down?  Is that what I am after?  Is that why I want one of the head honchos to grow a conscience and fess up?  

One thing I do know is that I will never stay silent.  I am not out to ruin a good person's faith, but I am not going to stand around while people are being mistreated.  

Ugh, ramble city... 

Andee


3 comments:

  1. [kɹeɪ̯ɡ̊] Says:

    Do I want to bring the church down? Is that what I am after? Is that why I want one of the head honchos to grow a conscience and fess up?

    Honestly, I do. It is an organisation that is based on lies, and no matter how much good it may (or may not) do, that does not mitigate the lying and the damage it definitely does do.

    If it ever did admit to the lying and cover-ups, it would most definitely lose a lot of its membership, and it would have to re-vamp doctrines whose veracity are based on lies. It would in effect become an entirely different organisation, so yes, I guess you might say I am favour of totally bringing the church down.

    I think religion and churches can, if properly regulated, do a lot of good. I think that a go0d example of that would be UUism in the US or the United Church of Canada, which, while Christian, is very liberal and inclusive, and is a staunch supporter of human rights, like UU congregations. However, all in all, I think religion is a concept best relegated to history. I think we as humans have evolved socially (in some places) to a point where we really don't need religion anymore as morality is not based in religion at all, but in our biology and social structure.

  1. Elder Joseph Says:

    "Do I want to bring the church down? Is that what I am after? Is that why I want one of the head honchos to grow a conscience and fess up?"

    I thought about this long and hard and decided that the answer is Yes I want to bring down those leaders perpetrating and continuing a deception which is harmful to people.

    Look at the harm The original founders of the LDS caused?Lost lives, money , dignity and self worth of the women through polygamy.

    look at the harm today in church, women worried over future polygamy and can't speak against it lest they are deemed rebellious/disobedient to Heavenly Fathers will. Families threatened to be split up if they don't obey and pay the church leaders etc and all carry Temple Recommends.

    Look at the harm caused mentally that common sense and science and facts have to be put aside and instead rely on a feeling? Who's feeling anyway? The church leaders feelings who are telling us this.

    My feeling was overwhelming that it was all a scam. Then when I discovered the facts and evidence it all became impossible to continue with.

    Polygamy being praised as the order of heaven by my ward 'high priests' made me want to puke. So yes I trusted somewhat in feelings myself!

  1. Andee Says:

    Thanks for the comments my friends...

    The more I think about it, the more I agree that it would be a positive thing for the church to come down. It will happen eventually, whether I help in the process or not.

    I am not claiming I am going to do anything but what I am already doing. Talking about things openly and honestly... the church seems to have a real problem with that, don't they?

    Take care guys!
    Andee