You Might Be Exiting Mormonism If...

Posted by: Andee / Category: , ,

I found this list on The Mormon Curtain, and thought it was entertaining.  This isn't the entire list, if you would like to read the whole thing go here.

  • You buy your new gentile underwear at three a.m. to minimize the chances of being seen by the ward members.
  • The word "apostate" doesn't sound scary anymore, but instead fills you with a sense of pride.

  • The increase in cookies brought to your door has increased by 300%
  • You realize that within a moment viewing bits of history that aren't "always helpful" has gone from being troublesome to fascinating.

  • "You" have dominion over the water on Sunday, rather than Satan.
  • You realize George W. Bush claims to receive more revelation from God than President Monson does.
  • You start forming your own political opinions.
  • You know who Fanny Alger is.
  • The merest glance at the Book of Abraham facsimilies causes you to giggle.
  • You start reading books with titles like "Why Smart People Believe Weird Things."
  • You actually like Sundays.

  • The waitress asks if you'd like a margarita, and rather than being offended by the question, you're offended by the low-quality liquor they use.
  • If your temple recomend interview doesn't get past the first question.
  • You refer to Gordon B. Hinkley as "Gordo."
  • If you suddenly find all the truth to be "useful."
  • TBMs suddenly stop acknowleding you exist.
  • You find that when discussing Mormonism online you write "the church" rather than "the Church".

  • You walk shamelessly into Starbuck's, hold your head up high, and proclaim "I'll have a grande americano". Then when they ask "Room for cream?" you boldly affirm, "Yes!"
  • You think the Catholic church is actually more progressive and less abusive than Mormonism.
  • You think it's more important to be a good person than a good Mormon.
  • You wonder just how in the name of all that's holy they got you to believe that God cares what kind of underwear you wear.
  • You feel more sympathy for the missionaries than you do pride.
  • A sister-in-law says what you're doing will impact the lives of hundreds, if not thousands of others including those not yet born.
  • Your brother asks what kind of hideous sin you are covering up with this "concern" about church history.

  • Your father says he fears Satan has his hooks into you.
  • You've met with your bishop and you ask him what he would do if he was bishop of the Nauvoo 4th Ward in 1842 and Joseph Smith asked for his wife or daughter for plural marriage.
  • Your bishop completely deflates at the question.
  • Your bishop is the only one you know who thinks you might be gay.

  • Various forms of the word "offend" start appearing in proximity to your name during ward gossip sessions.
  • You get little notes in the mail regarding how much your "interesting" point of view has been missed in priesthood meeting or relief society.