What The Hell Was I Thinking?

Posted by: Andee / Category: , , ,

This morning I was brewing my morning cup of Joe and I had a brief moment of clairity.

Life is good.

I walked over to my computer, opened up my browser to MSNBC.com, and then checked my email.  The coffee smelled wonderful.  I added cream and sugar, and a little touch of cinnamon. When I took the first sip, I knew that that moment would be one of the best I would have all day long.  Alone, quiet, and peaceful... yumminess.

Five years ago I wouldn't have dreamed that I would be starting my mornings this way.  My life has changed, my mind has changed, and I am so much happier.  It's all about the outlook I have now.  Instead of "enduring to the end" I am enjoying the journey.

It's with this outlook that I smile and laugh at my former self... what the hell was I thinking? Here is a small list of things that I used to believe when I had my Mormon blinders on... for those who don't know, Mormon blinders are glasses you put on that make everything the church does seem rosey and beautiful.  Do not operate heavy machinery with Mormon blinders on.  Do not mix Mormon blinders with any other kinds of medication.  If you experience any swelling in the face or buttocks, take off the blinders immediately.  Now back to our regularly scheduled program...

Things I used to believe:

  1. God cared deeply if I drink coffee and tea even though there is no real explanation as to why, and hot chocolate is fine even though the word of wisdom clearly states Mormons should stay away from hot drinks.
  2. All tithing is spent in ways to help humanity.  The church gives this money to aid people who really need it.
  3. The leaders of the church would never lie to me.
  4. I wasn't fulfilling my potential as a woman because I wasn't married.
  5. I needed to pray, fast and read scriptures until getting married and being a mother sounded like fun.
  6. Being a "special spirit" was a compliment.
  7. We needed to perform ceremonies on earth in order to be with our families together in heaven.
  8. Every person I met was an opportunity to share the gospel.  These are not potential friends to accept as they are, they are potential members of the church.
  9. If people saw you in a store on a Sunday you would be in the bishops office explaining yourself within the week.
  10. Dry, monotone, whispered speaking is a sign that the spirit is present.
  11. Blessing the food to nourish and strengthen your family is good even if you are about to sit down to butter-covered potatoes and cheesecake for dessert.
  12. Calling a priesthood holder for a blessing before you go to the hospital is a good idea.
  13. It would be an honor to shake hands with the prophet.
  14. God cares if girls wear dresses to church or not.  
  15. If someone dies, it is a woman's duty to make a casserole, preferably "Funeral Potatoes" and drop them off at the house of the deceased.

Luckily, my parents were pretty cool.  They didn't force us to not play on Sunday, or wear our church clothes at home to watch conference.  They let us be kids.  It was nice.

This is neither here nor there, but when I was first researching Mormonism I went to a Mormon message board and read through some of the entries and topics.  One woman was asking the fellow women in the "relief Society" room for suggestions on keeping her children still and interested in watching general conference.  I rolled my eyes and shook my head.  This was long before I realized the whole thing was a pile of horse dung... I just couldn't believe that there were women out there trying to force their 3 year olds into church clothes and making them sit on the couch to watch boring old men talk into the microphone.

They are kids.

They don't have great attention spans.

General conference isn't for them!  Hell, they wouldn't even understand half the stuff they are talking about.

What are/were people thinking?????


  1. Demand More Says:

    I remember dreading Sundays, my mother wold whisper the whole day and she would play church hymns in the family room ALL day long. I would usually end up in my room, laying on my bed for hours just to get away from it. But back then I spent a lot of time thinking that there was something wrong with me. Man, it feels good to know it isn't me.