I Know My Kids A Star

Posted by: Andee / Category: ,

I am a reality show junkie. I like all of them... well, except for the work out shows like The Biggest Loser and Celebrity Fit Club. I will even admit to watching CBS' Big Brother every single season, and bought the live feeds for it a couple of summers ago. It all started with Survivor folks, and I am now a full blown addict. When a new show debuts, I am there. Thank Gawd for my DVR, I never miss a thing.

Thursday night a show titled, I Know My Kids A Star premiered on VH1. I knew going into it that it was going to piss me off. There is nothing worse than seeing a parent pressure their own child into doing something they don't want to do. I am not saying that all kids are pressured into show business... but it's painfully obvious when it happens. The show is hosted and judged by none other than child-star gone bad Danny Bonaduce. Lard, help us.

Pleased to meet you Mr. Bonaduce, excuse me I need to puke.

The show starts as Danny introduces himself and shows the contestants and their parents the beautiful mansion they will be staying at while the show films. Immediately one of the kids turns her back on the camera and throws up in the bushes. I knew it was a sign of things to come, and I was right. The house is nice, but nothing to write home about. There are lots of touches that make the home child-friendly like giant glass jars filled with candy on the kitchen counter and a brand new swing set in the backyard. It's over-the-top and kind of cheesy.

We then pan to each of the kids and their respective parent. Some of these kids have been trying to break into show business for a very long time, and others have passions like ballroom dancing.

Rocky, Stage Mother

You immediately see how different the relationship of parent and child is changed when its time for the kids to rehearse for their first audition. Some of the parents were very relaxed in letting the kids practice in their own way, and others (like the one pictured) told their kids what to sing, and how to prepare. Poor Rocky's daughter. (I say "Rocky's daughter because it is obvious that Rocky is upstaging her own kid right from the beginning. You don't even remember the kids name... it's all about Mommy Dearest.) Rocky told her to sing a song she didn't know, and when she asked her Mom to rehearse by herself, Rocky told her no. It's a simple talent show format, showing Danny Bonaduce your best performance.

Well Rocky's dear daughter gets up to perform the song, and chokes. At one point Rocky asks her daughter if her tampon string is showing!?!?!?!?! Oh. My. Lard. Here is another good quote from Rocky:

I want you to win. Don’t you want that big house, Hayley. I’m a single mom. Clock’s tickin’, clock’s tickin’, clock’s tickin’. OK? Let’s buy that dream house.

Turns out the tap dancing kid was the first to go, and he exited the show with grace. His father, on the other hand wasn't sure how to react. He tried to hug his kid, but was rejected. He then gave the end-of-the-show goodbye message telling the world how talented his son was, and how we could all expect to see his name in lights one day.

This kid is a lot more mature than his father.

I am not sure if I should be upset at the parents for allowing their kids to be on a show like this, sad and confused that VH1 is producing a show like this, or angry with myself for watching it.

Someone call CPS. Stat.