What Matters The Most?

Posted by: Andee / Category: ,

I am going to talk about something that isn't unique to Mormon families. It happens in every culture, religion, and country. It's something all humans deal with, my perspective will obviously come from a Mormon point of view because thats what I know.

I was a teenager in an extremely small town. My graduating class had 17 kids in it, and most of the kids I went to kindergarten with graduated with me. We had to drive 40 minutes over a mountain to get to McDonald's and Wal-Mart. Everyone in my town knew everyone else, what they ate for breakfast, the name of their dogs, and whatever they were going through at that particular time. It's not that we were nosy, you just couldn't help but know things in a town that small. It wasn't just the Mormons, it was everyone.

There were families in the community who were dealing with bad situations. Some of these families decided to choose their faith over their own children.

One of my young women's teachers/leaders was very, very religious. Her daughter used to baby-sit me when I was a kid, and I liked her a lot. She wasn't like the normal babysitters who sat in front of the television for 7 hours, she played games with us and read us stories. She was a really good person. Well, imagine my surprise when I found out that my babysitter had suddenly been kicked out of her home and disowned. When I asked about her in church to a friend of mine I was told to forget about her. Can you believe that?

What could she have possibly done to deserve this? She met and dated a black man behind her parent's back and she became pregnant at the age of 17. Her mother was so consumed with what her religion believed that she tossed her own kid out of the house. I do have to say that this woman was very racist, and not all Mormons would react this way. She made the decision because she believed that is what God would want her to do. Would God want you to ever throw your own child away because they disagreed with you? Would that even cross God's mind? No, it wouldn't. I know there are times when you should show "tough love," but this isn't one of them. If anything, it's important to be there for your child during times like this.

About 6 months ago I was going through a training class for my job. I met people from all over the state of Utah, and became close with a 19 year old boy who was living out of his car. His family lived close by, but wouldn't let him live at home. Why? Because he was gay. His mother and father decided that God wouldn't want them to support their son's decision (there is no decision involved, trust me) to live that kind of lifestyle. They refused to help him financially, or emotionally until he "came around" and decided to go on a mission for the LDS Church.

This guy was a wonderful person. He was warm, friendly, creative, and smart. Anyone would be honored to have him in their family, but his family chose their religious beliefs over their own son.

This is another reason why I find temple weddings and sealings to be bad displays of family togetherness. Would God want half of your family to not see you get married simply because they believe in something else? Would God want a mother to be outside the temple while her own son gets married? It does nothing but divide the family into the "haves" (having a temple recommend) and the "have nots" being without a temple recommend and being left outside.

It's incredibly painful for those family members being left out. They are being openly shunned by the very people who helped raise them. The very mothers who gave birth to these children, turned their backs on them in a heartbeat. Is this something God would want? I have to say no.

It all comes down to one question, what matters the most? Your religion, or your family? Which do you love more? I will never stop being surprised at how some people answer that question.


  1. Anonymous Says:

    amen.....I left my whole family outside th temple when I got married...I guess they should be hurt I chose religion over my family

  1. Sydney Says:

    It was what you believed at the time, and you wouldn't have had to do that if you were not taught that you should do it. The whole temple wedding thing saddens me.

    There are many women I have talked to that really didn't like their ceremony either. They didn't feel like it was the wedding they dreamed of as a child.

  1. Anonymous Says:

    that is for sure....