Windy Sydney

I remember my Young Women's girls camp experience as if it happened yesterday.

I had just finished my 8th grade year. My town was so small that the 7th-12th grades all went to the same school. I can put that in even better perspective by saying that my graduating class had 17 kids in it.

Yes, really.

So... you get the idea. Everyone knew everyone else, the name of their dog, and what they had for breakfast. No one ever locked their front doors, and you automatically assumed your neighbors were good people. It was a fantastic place to grow up... although I probably would have given you a different answer while I was a kid. I would have complained that there was nothing to do.

There never *was* anything to do. It's one of the reasons I went to the camp. Oh yes, believing Mormons, start judging me now. I just wanted to get the Hell out of dodge for a while. I wasn't interested in sharing my testimony, or learning for the millionth time just how blessed we were to be in the church. I was more interested in sleeping in tents, campfires, and S'mores.

I was really excited before the trip. I spent two full days deciding which clothes to wear and what might or might not be considered modest to my leaders. My leaders meant well, but communication wasn't their cup of tea... I mean water. Their cup of water.

Anyway, since we were going to the mountains we were told to pack warm clothes. I tried to pack a little of everything, and I am pretty sure I brought almost everything I owned... except socks... forgot the socks. That sucked ass.

I hitched a ride with one of my friends. Her Mom was joining us for the expedition to keep us from behaving like wild animals and more like the sweet little young women we were supposed to be. I was already rolling my eyes before we left her driveway because her Mom made us pray for our safety before we left. Come on... do we really need to bother God every 40 minutes for something else?

My friends Mom was a really good woman. She would never have a mean thing to say about anyone... although my friend tried to convince me otherwise. I guess she was the kind of person who was sugary-sweet to friends and acquaintances, but became more than harsh when she was alone with her family. That happens.

Another of the chaperones was riding along with us. Her name was Mandy (changed to protect the innocent). Mandy was married with three boys of her own (is it me, or did I just burst into the Brady Bunch theme song?). I always wondered if Mandy liked her calling with the Young Women because she definitely wasn't a girly-girl. I wasn't quite sure if she could take the constant conversation about make-up and the latest boy band. There were a few girls that had major crushes on her boys, and that made her popular. She would get constant hints from girls about how she should invite them over for dinner. Looking back, I wonder how she kept herself from slapping them.

We only made one stop on the 3 and a half hour drive for my friend to use the bathroom. We made excellent time, which wasn't so excellent for us when we realized we would have to help haul tons of equipment, coolers, suitcases and duffel bags over the campsite trails. Good times.

Now, let me mention something before I go any further. A male, priesthood leader is present at all times at girls camp. He is usually hiding in the vehicles keeping away so the sisters can "have their fun" but he is always around. Why? Because what if something happened and we needed a blessing??? Omg, what would we do without a boy!?


Lucky for us (unlucky) our bishop came along. I am not exaggerating when I mention that I really detested this guy. He was a pompous old windbag. He was "old school" and very into the gender roles that he probably grew up with. Since he was the only man amongst 32 women he thought he should tell us what to do, how to do it, and to keep smiles on our faces. Not kidding. He actually told us in a gruffy voice to smile. I could have turned around and gone back home if it were possible... but no.

Soon, van after van of teenage girls started to arrive in the parking lot. Girls were pitching in here and there to get things in order... of course we couldn't have done it without bishop floppy-face there to yell at us when we started to have fun.

It soon became time for us to put up our tents. I had been putting up tents and camping with my family for years. I knew what I was doing. Our bishop really didn't care, and made sure to come around and help us because we were just girls and we didn't know what we were doing. F-you man. Seriously. I still get steamed when I think about it.

Here is where the fun started to happen...

Mandy, remember Mandy? Mandy, had enough of bishop floppy-face and decided to tell him to back off. I had never seen anything like it before in my life. She stood up to him in front of everyone. We were all watching... it was like... a miracle! Floppy-fact f-turd's face got all red and he decided to leave us alone. Then Mandy said something like, "If we have any problems WE WILL LET YOU KNOW!" I could have hugged her. Everyone else was in shock and had stunned looks on their faces. It looked to me like they were thinking, "How could she have talked to the bishop like that?" "OMG! I wonder if she will get to keep her temple recommend..." It was awesome.

Eventually, we all got our tents up without Peter-Priesthood's help. Amazing, huh? Especially since we were just girls. *puke*

There was an opening prayer (of course) and then a quick glance over the scheduled events over the next couple of days. Skits? Oh, goody. Sunrise testimony meeting? Fantastic. Super-secret event the next night? Weird...

So, we all hang out at the campfire singing the songs that were church-approved... you might think I am kidding, but they actually gave us a booklet of songs we were allowed to sing. Ridiculous. We roasted some marshmallows and went to bed having dreams of the perfect return missionary greeting us with flowers.

The next morning I heard someone singing. Let me state, for the record, that I am *NOT* a morning person. Never have been. You have to give me about 10 minutes before I can be a normal human being. Don't wake me up with a huge smile on your face... I will just want to punch you.

4 of our ward's leaders went from tent to tent singing this song to awaken the young women...

Good Morning to you!
Good Morning to you!
We're all in our places,
With bright shining faces...
Is this not the way,
To start a good day?

Starting every morning out like this wasn't going to be good. But that is exactly what happened. Again, I know they meant well... but come on. Stop it. Please.

Anyway, after our morning prayer, and then after blessing the breakfast we started out for the day's activities. There were different kinds of things to do, like crafts and learning how to do first aid or us a compass. A lot of it I already knew and I blew right through it. I wish I would have paid more attention anyway... maybe then I would remember some of it!

I ended up at a craft table, learning how to weave fabric through little plastic boxes for a little keep-sake box. How cute. Not. Anyway, my leaders used this opportunity to stress, yet again, that we shouldn't marry until the men we love have served a mission. Getting married any place but the temple won't be as meaningful as that temple marriage. Keep yourselves pure... blah, blah, blah... it was like a broken record really. It was almost like that was the theme of the entire week. Maybe it was?

The thing I remember the most is the "super-secret activity."

We had actually all gone to bed for the night... the leaders came to our tents and told us that there was something important we had to do. I had already drifted off to sleep, which meant that I had to be woken up 2 times in one day. Bastards.

We were led to an area in the woods (the only people with flashlights were the leaders) and we were told to hold onto a rope and not let go until we reached the end. There were older girls saying things to try to get us to let go of the rope. I recognized some of their voices, they were on the "staff" of the camp.

I couldn't see anything. I didn't have my glasses on... which was probably a good thing because I would have fallen on my ass at any time during this silly mission and broke them. I could sense when people in front of me or behind me kind of disappeared. I kept holding onto the rope, because those were my instructions. I just wanted to go back to bed.

I finally reached the end of the rope, and I was met by someone dressed all in white with a flashlight. I think she was a member of one of the other wards in the stake. She led me to an area that had benches made from logs, and a huge tree had been decorated with beautiful white Christmas lights. She told me I had made it to heaven and that I didn't let anyone tempt me or lead me astray. Wow.

So... this is when I start noticing other girls from my ward showing up... and not showing up. I saw one girl that was there with one of her sisters. Her sister didn't make it to "heaven" and her angelic sister sat on the log bench sobbing her eyes out. Niiiice.

I found out later that the not-so-obedient girls were taken to another area and they were given a lecture on obedience. They were then given another chance to do the rope-thing again and make it to heaven. How sweet.

About 5 hours later we were woken up again by that damned song, and we were told that it was time for the sunrise testimony meeting. Girl after girl fed off each other's tears and shared the experience of making it or not making it to heaven. One of the older sisters told how hard it was when she realized her little sister had been led astray. It was one giant mind-bending brain-washing moment. It was then that I realized that I would stop going to church. I saw it for what it was.

It was a great moment.

I couldn't wait to get out of there... and now I am glad to be out.

Andee