Windy Sydney

You know, I know more Mormons than non-Mormons easy. Some of them are more into the whole culture (yes, culture) than others. For example, some of my friends think nothing of having an ice cold Mountain Dew poured over ice, while others would cringe because that would be breaking their word to follow the word of wisdom. I don't know where caffeine got thrown in there... it started with meat in summer and hot drinks. Who the hell knows...

Anyway...

Now that I am "out of the closet" with my apostate ways, I have received some of the most judgmental and non-loving comments from some of these "friends" and "family." I use the quotation marks because I have a hard time considering someone telling me that I am being led away by Satan a friend or a member of my family. Sorry, it's just how I see it.

They are so convinced they are right. Hell, I have been in their shoes before. I used to think that I was valiant before I was born and that was why I was born into a Mormon family. I even thought that I was going to make God proud of me one day and get married in the temple... even though it wasn't in my heart. I thought I would make the sacrifice... glad I didn't.

I now know that there is no amount of mental gymnastics I could possibly do to make the Mormon Church true. There is no way. There are too many problems, inconsistencies, and out right lies. I was disappointed with the people I trusted to tell me and teach me the truth.

Now, I wonder how let-down they will be when they realize it was all a big lie. I cringe, because I certainly didn't enjoy the feeling. Some of the people I care about have spent their whole lives pushing for the church... tithing, meetings, callings... you name it. They never once turned a calling down, always had their food storage, even went to church while on vacation. How will they feel when they learn the truth?

Those are the people I feel bad for. There are others I don't. I should... but I can't bring myself to... I am talking about the leaders who knowingly spread untruths... cover up... lie by omission. I am sure on some level they believe they are doing this for the greater good. In their heart they must believe that Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God, and that the moral sacrifices they are making in this life will be rewarded in the next.

Don't get me wrong. I believe there are leaders out there who know the whole thing is a scam... it's just really hard to get any pure honesty from these men, so it's hard to tell.

I just wonder what their first thought is when they reach their "heavenly reward" and realize it was all for nothing. They might have kept their parents out of their temple wedding, or stopped talking with an apostate friend or family member... all for nothing. The pain their family and friends felt would be for nothing. How many times can I possibly re-phrase that and use the word "nothing?" Nothing.

I remember watching a movie titled, "Defending Your Life," on HBO one rainy Saturday. I was a teenager at the time, and I was enthralled. I loved the idea of going to a place where you got to review your entire life and explain the decisions you made and the chances you took. You eventually have to prove to the judge that you deserve to go to heaven instead of going back to Earth to learn your lessons all over again. I especially enjoyed the part of the movie where the characters got to eat whatever they wanted and not gain any weight. I hope that happens. I really do :)

What would happen to these holier-than-thou people if they got to their judgment and had to explain why they hurt their family and friends like they did?

Sorry this was nothing more than a rambling post. I was due. Oh, and if you have never seen "Defending Your Life," you are missing out. I wish I had it on DVD right now. I would totally watch it.

Andee