Windy Sydney

Please correct me if I am wrong (it's possible) but I certainly don't know of another religion besides Mormonism that has private interviews between the local bishop and teenagers at least once per year.

I have mentioned this before, but only randomly... forgive me if it seems as if I am just playing some kind of skipping record. It happens.

Anyway...

I remember having my "worthiness" interview with my local bishop when I was about 15 years old. My parents were both inactive at the time, so when the bishop called me on the phone to invite me for a meeting, my Dad had to drive me to the church and wait for me. I am sure that was pretty awkward for him. I often wonder if anyone asked him questions in the hallway while I was all alone with the creepy bishop...

Oh yeah... I was ALL ALONE with the creepy bishop. My bishop was a real piece of work. I told both my parents what I thought of him. We were always open and honest about that kind of thing. This guy would have no problem going up to the microphone and tell people who to vote for, as a matter of fact, I think it's something he enjoyed doing. He talked a lot about forgiveness and loving thy neighbor, but he certainly didn't practice it much. He would never wave to my parents if he saw them in the neighborhood. Probably because they were smoking and that was a horrible sin. Way to be a good man, huh? The guy was just really judgmental. REALLY.

So my Dad drives me to the church, it was a Tuesday night if I remember correctly... no one was there besides the bishop and my father and I (that I know of). My Dad sat in a chair in the hallway while I went in to face the blubbering bastard. Yeah, I know it's harsh, but it's honest.

Bishie asks me why I miss church every now and then. I countered that my brother and I got rides to church with friends, and my parents drove us when they could, but we only had one car and things needed to get done. If I missed church, it was because I couldn't really help it. Bishie told me that I could call him if I needed a ride, he got all pompous and acted as if there was no real reason to miss church. Ever. I would rather shove razor blades under my toenails that get a ride anywhere with this guy, but I knew I shouldn't tell him that in my worthiness interview.

His questions got more and more personal as they went on. Was I dating? Was I making out with boys? Necking? Was I dressing modestly? Was that ANY of his business? What the hell? This is a conversation I should be having with my parents, not some random guy who things he has authority over me!

I was dating a guy who wasn't a Mormon. It was a big deal to bishie. I never once did anything with my high school boyfriend. We had a very PG-13 relationship... and I mean old-school PG-13... no nudity, no suggestive stuff. We were both good kids. He was a religious guy, just of a different faith. Oh, and he was black. I think that is what got to Bishie the most. Come to think of it, I even remember a time during a high school choir concert where my (then) boyfriend and I sang together in a quartet... bishie was one of the only few people who didn't stop to say something. He just walked right by us.... huh... just remembered that.

Anyway, bishie made some comments about how far I would allow my boyfriend to "go." He knew he went to far with me. He knew it. He stopped right there.

On the way out the door, bishie looks at my Dad in the hall and tells him what a good daughter he had. I was annoyed, because my Dad didn't need some random dude telling him that. He and I had a great relationship, but I guess bishie felt that his opinion of me should mean a lot to him.

Now here is when I go off on a rant... if I haven't done that already.

Why is it that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints requires PRIVATE meetings between bishops and kids? There is a closed door. No one else in the room. Lets remember that the bishop is assuming he has authority over the kid, and the right to ask whatever he wants to.

I have heard horror stories that are much worse than mine. Sometimes bishops would ask specific details of sexual encounters, or imply that any sexual feelings are sinful and of the devil. Each of these thoughts are horrible... you don't need to confess things you have done to any bishop. They are not even trained to handle the problems that might arise when asking these questions. Does the church really feel that the spirit will just tell the bishop what he should do in cases like that? If the bishop makes a horrible mistake will they make excuses for him and say that he was "just a man." That phrase seems to be thrown around when it's most convenient.

*If* bishops, stake presidents, General Authorities, Prophets (and any other type of leader you can think of) are just men, then why do we give them the power to make such huge decisions at their will? If they are just men, shouldn't they have the leadership training necessary to handle stuff like this?

I kind of went off on a tangent there, sorry about that.

For every bad bishop I know there are probably 10 good ones. Most bishops are good men doing what they feel God wants them to do. I get that. I just think that giving a man private time, alone in a room, with a kid, is a little too much. Why do they roll the dice? Why don't they have parents talking to their kids about this stuff? The parents should be doing that anyway... mind did.

Keep in mind that most of these kids were raised in the church. They believe it. They believe that the bishop has the right to ask such personal questions, and most are honest. Should they feel shame to admit that they have thoughts about making out with a fellow teenager? Should they be made to feel that they are wrong? I don't think so. I know that being sexually active is something that shouldn't happen until later in life, but making the kids feel that they are being sinful for something that is completely natural is going to mess them up... for the rest of their life possibly. Why do that? Discuss things like this in a healthy way... thats all.

I guess my rant has gone on long enough. Ta-ta for now...

Andee