Windy Sydney

Late last night I finished reading "Escape," by Carolyn Jessop and Laura Palmer. I knew that I would have a hard time reading the book, and I was right. The tales of abuse and manipulation are unbelievable at times, but you know it's true. She is a true mother. She risked everything for the safety of her children, wanting to give them the life she should have had.

Instead of giving a book review, I decided to just share some of the quotes from the book that stuck with me. I could never do a book like this justice with my own writing.

"One morning Randi [a fellow FLDS girl] got on the bus and was sobbing hysterically. Her face was red and flooded with tears. She was shaking and gasping for breath. Her sobs came like one big wave after another. When she turned around I realized her braid was gone. Her hair was neatly combed, but her braid had been chopped into stubble.

The chatter and noise on the bus stopped, as everyone realized what had happened. All of us were shocked by the awful sight. The bus driver sat there chewing his gum. If he noticed the weeping child who had just gotten on his bus, he didn't show it. The door closed and he pulled away from the curb as if nothing had happened. I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't even play on the playground that day. Everything went by in a blur.

After school I was waiting in the bus line with Linda [sister] when I saw the school's double doors fly open. The principal of the school came running out, chasing his mentally retarded son, Kendall, who was ten. Kendall was screaming and trying to run away from him. His pants were wet with urine. We could all see the wide circle of dampness. The principal caught up with him and grabbed him. He kicked him so hard that Kendall flew off the ground and landed in a heap on the sidewalk. He yelled at Kendall to get up. Kendall started running away again. The principal kept chasing and kicking him. I was so sickened by what had happened to Randi earlier that day that this overwhelmed me. I could not absorb what I was seeing. In the weeks and months ahead, I would see this again and again. Kendall would wet his pants and his father would beat him. Some of the other children on the playground made fun of Kendall for wetting his pants. Others stood still, shocked to witness a father's brutality and terrified because he was the principal of the school." page 35.

No matter what these kids saw, they couldn't really turn to anyone for comfort. The community had no safe place to turn, especially the kids who were simply property to their fathers.

"At two o'clock one morning I was awakened from the dead of sleep. It was close to the end of the semester and I'd stayed up late studying. I couldn't imagine why my mother was awakening me or why my father would want to speak with me at such an odd hour. Nothing like this had ever happened before.

Dad was waiting for me in my mother's bedroom. My father acted as though everything was normal. "I had the chance to talk to Uncle Roy about you going to college and he told me you were a smart girl and could go to school to be a teacher."

My heart sank. A teacher? I wanted to do pre-med.

But it got worse.

"Uncle Roy said the before you go to school, you should be married. He wants you to marry Merrill Jessop." I was stunned. My future had just vanished. Even if I continued with my education, I'd have to do so while being pregnant and having babies. I also knew that although Uncle Roy had given me permission to go to school, my husband could overrule him in this area because he would be the ultimate authority in my life." pages 72-73

Her dream to be a pediatrician didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was the will of the priesthood holders. Every move she made was watched, and she made no decisions for herself. I have no idea how I would keep my spirit alive.


Carolyn has a sister wife named Barbara. Barbara was not only a huge control freak, but she also had the most power in the house and was extremely abusive to all the children in the home, whether they were her birth children or not. In the cult's way of thinking, all the children belonged to their husband, and raising the children was a duty that belonged to all the wives.

"Eleven months after my wedding, I became pregnant with my first child. I was violently ill for nine months; the morning sickness that some women complain of laid siege on me. I lost weight, looked pale, and felt weaker than I'd imagined possible. I knew that by marrying, I had lost control of my life. With my pregnancy, I lost control over my body as well. I had barely any prenatal care.

Worse, my pregnancy created even more problems for me within Merrill's family. Within the FLDS, any personal problem is seen as a direct result of sin. Serious emotional or physical problems were considered a curse from God. I was also dangerous for a woman to show any incapacitation related to pregnancy because it viewed within her family as a sign of rebellion--unless, of course, you were Barbara, for whom the double standard applied with regard to her crying bouts during her pregnancy.

The other wives would discuss whether or not they thought I was really suffering or just seeking attention. I was accused of putting on a show to gain more status for myself. Producing large numbers of faithful children was a way for a woman to gain favor not only with her husband but with God. It wasn't uncommon for a woman in the community to have as many as sixteen children, and most have had at least twelve." page 147.

These women were at the mercy of their husbands and the prophet of the church. Abuse was everywhere, but there was nowhere to turn. Even the local police officers were members of the FLDS, and stories like this were everywhere:

"...The FLDS police officer wanted to take his wife up to the Steeds ranch to teach her a lesson in obedience. He put her in a pen with a bull and then tied a rope to the neck of the bull. He told his wife, who was pregnant, that she had to control the bull with the rope on orders of her priesthood head.

She tried to hang on to the bull, but he ran off and she ended up being dragged until she let go of the rope. Her husband got into the pen and handed her the rope again and told her she had to hold on. But the bull pulled away from her and her husband became enraged. This time he took the end of the rope and and tied it around the neck of the bull and told her she better hang on this time. But it was impossible. The third time he tied the rope to her so she could not let go. She was dragged around the ring again and so badly injured she lost the baby--which then became her fault because she was so disobedient." page 217.

Carolyn's son, Harrison, was diagnosed with cancer as a baby. Merrill Jessop blamed the sickness on Carolyn's rebellion to his authority. He told her many times that the baby was going to die because she wasn't obedient. He didn't care much for his children, just the power they gave him in the community.

"Harrison is going to die because of your rebellion. It is your fault he is sick. God will take him from you because you have been in rebellion to your priesthood head. You can take him to every damn doctor you can find, but no one will be able to heal him. God is going to destroy his life because of the sins of his mother." page 275.

It even came to the point where she would have to sneak to get her son the medical care he needed. Her mother began to help her by driving them to the hospital when she didn't have access to a vehicle. She never once gave up on her son, and gave him round the clock care to help him.

Soon, Warren Jeffs became prophet, and things like this started happening:

"I never knew what was coming next. One day all the dogs were rounded up and killed. This had a harrowing effect on children who were attached to their pets. Oreo was our family dog, a cute black and white mutt that LuAnne adored. When Merrill heard that the order had gone out to seize the dogs and destroy them he told one of his sons to take Oreo to Page and put him in the pound. This was devastating for my children even though Oreo didn't die. LuAnne was heartbroken. Merrill told the children that the tears were not allowed. They should only be concerned with doing the will of the prophet." page 326

I can't even begin to explain the horrible things that happen to the men and women in the FLDS. The women who went on television during the entire Eldorado, TX debacle telling the world that they loved their lives were no doubt just doing what their priesthood head told them to do. They would be punished if they didn't do as they were told... not to mention that their entire faith depends on obeying their prophet.

There is a similarity between the FLDS and the Mormon Church, as much as the mainstream church claims the opposite. Could you imagine if the church had not stopped the practice of polygamy? What if they had not caved into the pressure? I would be one of those girls who couldn't make decisions for myself. I would be wearing the long underwear, and following the word of Warren Jeffs. It's scary.

I hope I would have had the courage to do what Carolyn Jessop did. I would love to shake her hand.

Andee