Windy Sydney

I have been researching the church for about a year.

In the beginning, July of '07, I was very suspicious of websites that were totally against the church, and to tell you the truth, I still feel that way. However, I do think that the owners of the websites that are highly negative are just showing their level of frustration about the church. I can empathize.

I go through times when I am sad, then it turns to hurt, then to anger, and then back again. The term "emotional rollercoaster" doesn't even begin to describe the ups and downs that are associated with finding out your whole belief system is nothing but a story some guy made up.

I am frustrated with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints... and by saying that I am frustrated with the church, I mean the leadership of the church, both past and present. Why won't they just tell the truth? Why won't they just be honest? Is it truly all about money and power? How can they possibly believe in this church while knowing everything in it's history? How can you excommunicate people for talking about proven facts? Yet, they do it and they get away with it.

Have they ever offered an apology for the obviously wrong doctrine about African-Americans being cursed by Cain? Have they ever said, "My Bad!" to the fact that many of the church's prophets were racists? Would God choose a racist to head his one true church? Nope.

Have they ever admitted that women are not equal in the church? There is no equality, yet they claim there is. How is it that more women don't see it? I guess they don't want to see it.

I am frustrated with believing Mormons. I wish I could just shake them sometimes... just to have them open their minds for just a minute. Instead, to them, the church is true no matter what. It's all a matter of faith in their opinion, but how can you have faith in something that has SO MANY things wrong with it? Nothing is adding up here. Things that Brigham Young said alone are reasons to consider that you are being duped. But no... I am being led astray by Satan himself, and they just need to ignore me to keep their testimony strong.

I am frustrated with myself. How did I just accept and believe this stuff for so long without questioning things? Why did I automatically assume that everything the church leaders said was the truth?

I can't help but wonder how my life would be different if I would have figured this out a long time ago...

I would have had more self confidence... how many hours a week did I feel as if I was a failure in the eyes of God because I wasn't married with children? I was constantly going back and forth from wanting to be happy, and wanting to make other people happy. You can beat yourself up a lot that way.

I am frustrated over the number of women who are sad and depressed in the Mormon Church, but feel they have to make a sacrifice here in order to live for eternity. I feel frustrated that these women know about polygamy in the celestial kingdom, but choose not to think about it... instead putting it on a "shelf" to think about later. When is later? Why do you really believe God would want us living n polygamy at ANY time? Ugh.

Most of all, I am frustrated with people who are hypocritical and arrogant. Loving thy neighbor doesn't equal doing everything you possibly can to make sure everyone doesn't have equal rights.

It's frustrating to see so many people believing in a church that hurts so many people... yet they do it without question. They ignore any negativity, and immediately become offended if someone openly disagrees with them.

Excuse me while I bang my head against my keyboard....

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