Windy Sydney

The idea for the article came from a thread on PostMormon.org, written by Crime Dog. Let me just say how much I love Crime Dog, he is smart and funny as hell. He brought up something I had been thinking about since I was a teenager.

I tried to write this in my own words, but I can't do it justice. So, here is the thread written by Crime Dog, as well as some of the comments left by others. I hope they don't mind my using it...

Most western religions basically believe that god is all seeing, all knowing, and infinite in his wisdom and intelligence. Mormonism might outwardly share in that belief, but many of us here at PostMo know differently. While the church teaches that god is infinite in intelligence, we find this is not the case in practice.

The god of Mormonism does not even know who we are.

At least, this is the only explanation I have for the oddity that is the LDS temple ritual. God must not know me from Adam. So to speak. Why else would I need secret handshakes and verbiage to enter heaven? Wouldn't an infinitely wise and intelligent being know exactly who I am, what I've done, and whether or not I am entitle to enter into his presence?

Hey! Crime Dog! What's up? We've been expecting you! C'mon in, my friend!

It follows then, that though I am by definition an apostate, who openly rejects the temple endowment and ordinances, who refutes the teachings of Joseph Smith and the LDS church, and who denies that any of it means anything whatsoever, can still get in to the celestial kingdom! If god doesn't know me anyway, and I know the signs and tokens from my endowment three decades ago, what is to prevent me from walking right through the gates, past the sentinels, and into the presence of god? So, what motivation do I have for enduring to the end? I can do whatever I want.

Oh, and while I'm thinking about it.....how is it that my wife got only a "first name" when she went through the temple? When I call out to her to lift her from the grave and pull her through the veil, aren't all the other women with the same name going to rise up as well? I'll have thousands of women showing up and will have to pick through them to find the right one. Perhaps they should give three unique names, or maybe even go by social security number, to avoid this problem. If my wife will simply recognize my presence, or my voice, why does she need a new name? I should just be able to shout "Yo, babe! You ready?" and she will rise from the grave and come forth.

CrimeDog's going deep on Duvall Street!

Of course, you know, Elohim is granted omniscient status by Joseph Smith in the King Follet discourse back in I think 1842... But exactly how omniscient is he? Not very... apparantly. Apparantly, part of Elohim's plan for me was to ignore me for years and years granting me feelings no more nor less special or significant than those I felt while watching that stirring movie, The English Patient or reading a moving account of literature (secular type)... and those all too human feelings were supposed to galvanize me into Mormonism.

Or... of course, I got to play, for years, the insidious game of second guessing random thoughts that flowed into my cranium.

Go talk to that Sister or Brother... they need a friend right now

wait, what? hey! was that the Ghost who is also holy telling me to do something or was that just me?

hmmmmmmm

and the temple name assignment is classic cult tactic to reassign the initiate's identity to bind them further to the mother teat. I, for example, as a Mormon really was not Brother Noggin. Well in theory I was Brother Noggin, but in my quiet moments of reflection I was Enoch. Sometimes, when I particularily felt abandoned by the silent God of Mormonism, I would pray long prayers filled with sincere pleadings to that God... it's me, Enoch.. remember me?

Ahh. The reassignment of identity. The Super Special Name that the Mormon God recognized only me by. Doh! Oh the day when I discovered that every other person going through the temple that day, including all of the dead... thousands of them were also Enoch. No wonder Elohim never paid much attention to my "It's me Enoch!! remember?" pleadings. I bet Elohim was all...

Enoch? but...... Which Enoch are you??

Oh but. Consider the lillies of the field see how they toil and spin. A sparrow does not fall without God knowing it's trajectory. Moral of the story: He knows you are falling but still lets you hit the ground and splat messily... even if it means you literally die. LOL.

I mean, what about the hundreds of gay Mormon teens who kill themselves because God made them that way but left them only tortured and inflicted with no way to figure themselves out except a life of denial and hardship. What about the post partum Mormon mothers who struggle so awfully. What about the extremely high levels of depression among the Latter Day Saints. Where is the balm of Gilead? Where is the comfort? Is it part of God's plan that his Elect be drugged up with Prozac? Is Zoloft his modern day Moses miracle? People are hurting and failing. When they leave Mormonism and free themselves finally... why is there such a sense of freedom and relief? Why do post Mormon lives and mental states actually improve in the exodus?

Well, sigh... I fell many times in Mormonism. Always alone. Sometimes very hard.

See those footprints in the sand? Yea, Lord I do see them but there is only one set of footprints...

Oh that's because I was carrying you.

Yeah. Right. No Thanks.

Noggin

Another comment:

And....if the Masons had access to the secret handshakes before the candidates of the CK did what's with that? If getting past the devils of hell require the same secret handshakes that's just weird, and a bad plan, really confusing. The verbage is the only thing that would give the poor souls away. As soon as they start to say wrong thing with thier tokens and signs they would have to get out of line and head for another kingdom, or wherever, how embarrassing would that be?

edit:

I don't want to sound like I think Masons are going to hell, but you get the idea, I hope. -howdimissthat