Abbey Road says, "I would like to share my testimony, that I know WindySydney is true."Testimonies are so important in the Mormon Church that they devote one service per month just to share them with the rest of your ward. If you don't share your testimony, ever, you are singled out--often in front of other ward members--and challenged to share your testimony during the next meeting. This happened to me several times during my active teenage years, once was at girls camp in front of my friends and cousins. I was offended... and to those who are convinced people leave the church because they are simply offended, that is NOT the reason I quit going to church.
I just never really got the whole testimony thing. I get that the people giving their testimonies are true believers (most of the time) and usually the more emotional they get while sharing their testimony, the more they are viewed as faithful members of the church. Sometimes during testimony meetings it seemed as if I were watching a disturbing soap opera, and the person with the saddest or most meaningful story won the prize. What was the prize? Nothing.
When people share why they believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, they are, in effect, trying to plead with others to believe and agree with them. "I testify to you that this church is true, and that Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God!" What do they expect people to say or think?
"Well, okay... if you say so."
Maybe I am just growing more jaded, but the more I have people sharing how much they believe in the church the more it bothers me. It's painfully obvious to me and others who have left or are leaving the church that we have been lied to and kept from truths in the church's past. How could the one true church do that?
I mentioned earlier that I had an experience in girls camp regarding me not sharing my testimony with the other girls during the meetings. One of the leaders in my stake walked up to me while I was sharing some watermelon with my friends and cousin and said, "I would like to challenge you to share your testimony with the group tomorrow morning at the sunrise testimony meeting." I looked right at her and told her that I didn't want to share something I didn't have. She was shocked, but then said, "Sometimes it helps to share your testimony to help it grow." Wow. I guess "fake it till you make it" really is a common thing in the Mormon Church.
The next morning the microphone was being passed from one girl to another. They were sharing how much fun they had at camp, and how much they loved the other girls in the ward. They shared how they wanted to marry in the temple to a return missionary. When the microphone made it's way to my ward, I simply passed the microphone along. I looked over at the woman who "challenged" me, and gave her the biggest smile I could force.
How dare someone try to push another into sharing what is in their heart and mind regarding how they feel about the church? I know that people in the Mormon Church have issues with boundaries, and they feel they have the right to know everything about you and your life, but that simply isn't healthy.
Religion and beliefs are a very personal thing. Forcing someone to say something they are not ready to share is pretty damned cult-like. I know some people won't like that I said that, but it's the truth.
Andee
July 7, 2008 at 4:20 PM
There was a comment made by a GA a while back that went something like this:
"A testimony is to be found in the bearing of it."
I always found that incredibly suspect. It's as if saying something enough times will make you believe it. I've often wondered if Hitler youth rallies didn't go the same way.
I'm surprised to read that you and people you've seen have been singled out for not bearing their testimonies. In my 25 years of activity, I never once saw that. I saw some incentivizing, like my parents' "you'll get extra dessert tonight if you bear your testimony!", but never any public humiliation.
As a missionary, I always dreaded bringing investigators to testimony meetings. You never know what crazy/odd/fantastic (as in "fantasy") thing the members are going to say that day, or how they're going to throw out some arcane piece of doctrine that will scare off your investigators. In retrospect, maybe that wasn't such a bad thing...but anyway, you get my point.
July 7, 2008 at 5:23 PM
I totally got called out, it was at girls camp. Both times I went I was called out, at Oakcrest too.
I think it might be a Utah mormon thing but Im not sure. My hubby is from Canada and he says the religion is so much more laid back and has a take it or leave it kinda attitude.
I used to pass the mike too and one lady made a point of saying that she thought they had missed me and handed it back!
July 7, 2008 at 6:50 PM
Oh, I am sure it's a Utah thing... but I would be surprised if it happened once in a while outside the Morridor... I never spell Morridor right.
Anyway, I am not going to get up in front of a bunch of people and lie through my teeth! That pretty much breaks every religious teaching we are supposed to have!
Girls camp is the worst, because teenage girls just want to fit in, and the over-zealous leaders use this to shape young minds. It's a mental game. I decided not to play.
July 7, 2008 at 7:03 PM
That need to fit in was one of the things that I realized about myself when I was considering leaving the church, and ended up being a major catalyst in my departure.
One specific instance sticks out in my mind: right before my senior year of high school, I attended EFY at BYU. Testimony meetings were frequent, and crying during one's testimony was the order of the day. So, when I finally got the courage to bear my testimony in a small group setting, I forced myself to cry. It was extremely unnatural and phony, and I still feel embarrassed when I think about it. That was the last time I bore my testimony of my own volition.
In any case, what does this have to do with my disaffection? Simple: much of what a person "knows" about religion (e.g., what people say they know is true in a testimony) is actually what they feel or believe. When I thought about that EFY experience or about my mission, I realized I felt NOTHING I was supposed to feel. No warm feeling. No burning in my bosom. I felt many other things, however, but they were all "negative": suspicion, animosity, doubt, etc. All of these feelings were a direct result of what I experienced in my life in the church, especially during my mission.
I made every effort I could to fit in, but those efforts backfired. I don't feel bad, though. I'm much happier now that I don't worry about what people think of me in the religious realm.
July 7, 2008 at 7:43 PM
Steve-O,
I have seen many forced testimonies like the one you mentioned. People forcing themselves to cry to appear as if they are more affected by the spirit than they really are. It sucks that it even crosses anyone's mind to have to do that.
Thanks, as always for the comments and personal experiences. It's awesome. You add a lot here.