Windy Sydney

I am going to go off on a personal subject here... forgive me if I get angry or sad, but they are natural emotions. This is a little online diary of leaving the Mormon Church, and this is one of the many problems I have with the church that surfaces over and over again...

There is much discussion on PostMormon.org about Mormon Funerals. As many of you know, my father passed away from cancer 10 years ago. I was just out of high school, and my brother was a senior. Our Dad was 44 years old, and extremely healthy. Instead of going home for lunch, he would go to the gym and work out, or go jogging. This is the kind of person you never expect to get so sick... none of us saw it coming.

I had a sore throat and a cough, and my doctor gave me antibiotics. My Dad also had this sore throat, and everyone, including the doctor, assumed I had given him my cold. He went home with the same medication, but he got no better. Eventually he went to a specialist, and it was too late. They gave him three days to live the day he got his diagnosis.

Dad went through radiation, feeding tubes and trip after trip into Salt Lake City for treatment and doctor's visits. He fought. He didn't feel he was ready to die, he told me so. He wanted to fight, and he fought hard. He lived almost 5 more months, and passed away in the hospital.

On the Christmas Eve before he died, Mom and Dad sat down in their bedroom and planned his funeral. I know... have a holly jolly freaking Christmas.

When it was time to meet with the bishop and make the program and arrangements for the funeral, my Mom had a set list of things Dad wanted. The bishop did his best to turn the funeral into another Church Sacrament meeting... he wanted to preach about the church and salvation... but that isn't who my Dad was or what my Dad wanted. At this time, I was angry because I had lost my father... he had suffered. I was angry at the world, and there was no way my Mom and I were going to let the bishop change the things my Dad wanted.

Why does the church feel that a funeral is the place for preaching? Isn't a funeral about the person who is no longer with us?

Some people are not prepared to be forceful with bishops. The funerals go the way the bishop wants them to go... because they feel the bishop is inspired, and he knows what is best. Sorry, but it's fairly obvious that bishops make bad decisions every single day. Why is it that they make the final decisions regarding the funerals of our loved ones?

I think what gets me so angry about this topic is that our death is so final. When someone we love passes away, we want to honor them. We our love to translate over the mountains and valleys, or whatever it is, to them wherever they are. I don't know if there is an afterlife, but I would like to think there is. A funeral is saying goodbye and I love you... and it's a personal thing. That kind of power should never be taken out of the families hands.

If Mom and I had let Mr. Bishop get away with changing my Dad's service, I would have spent the rest of my life silently praying to him and telling him I was sorry. I would feel like it wasn't the way he wanted it to be. That kind of pain lasts forever... and it's inexcusable... especially for a church that expresses "love" and "family forever."

I guess the unknown is scary, and the last moments we have with our loved ones are so important that we need them to be "right."