Love Bombing

Posted by: Andee / Category: ,


I have told this story many times, but I am going to tell it again because I just saw it happen to someone else.

When I was a teenager, I decided that I didn't like being constantly told what I should do with the rest of my life. In young womens classes the only thing we really talked about was marrying that return missionary in the temple and popping out as many babies as humanly possible. I am not exaggerating. The topic was discussed every Sunday (touched on, at least...) as well as every Wednesday night activity (which included learning how to cook, bake, and make quilts... how about we have some fun and play volleyball or something? Oh, only the boys can do that? Okay... oh, I guess we could take them some brownies.)

I was fed up. I am in NO WAY minimizing the work of stay at home Mothers. It is a job that requires the patience of a saint! My Mom stayed home with my brother and I, and I know we drove her to near insanity about once a week. She was amazing, and it takes an amazing woman to be able to do this job. Lets not even mention how the women are taught to do all the cooking, cleaning, planning, crafts (scrapbooking was HUGE in my ward...) and errand-running. I know the men helped out, and worked full time jobs (most of them) but lets just flatly say it... being a stay at home Mom is the hardest job in the world, and you don't even get paid for it.

When I was a teen, I didn't want kids. This has changed in recent years, I eventually hope to have a kid one day. I was just sick and tired of hearing that my life's work was about diapers and cute scissors I needed for scrapbooking! I wanted something else for myself. I still do. I am more than happy that I followed my own heart instead of listening to my leaders at the time. I sincerely believe that a good Mom is a healthy Mom. Mind, body, and soul. If I had done what they wanted, I wouldn't have been happy at all... and that means I wouldn't have been a good Mom. Period.

I just stopped going to church. Out of nowhere really. My leaders knew I didn't agree with some of the things they would say, because I have always been one to express my concerns and opinions (yeah.. go figure) but I am positive they thought it was just a personality "flaw." They didn't see my long stretch of inactivity coming. At all.

It started with my Mormon friends walking past me in the hall at high school.

"Gee Syd, we missed you in church on Sunday."

"Do you need a ride to church or (fill in activity here)?"

It was pretty obvious that they didn't really miss me. They never really bothered to get to know me when I was attending. They couldn't give a crap what was going on in my life, or if I needed anything. The only reason I was on their radar was because I stopped going to church. It seemed extremely insincere.

Then came the weekly visits from my YW leader. I know she meant well, but she took the whole thing to a crazy extreme. When the YW would make cookies, brownies, pie... they would stop by my house and deliver a sample of the tasty goodies. Again, it a kind gesture, but they really didn't care about me as a person... just as a number. One less YW in church. One night she stopped by my house 3 times! Three times!

First time she asked me if I needed a ride to the activity, I politely told her no, thank you. She didn't seem to take it well, but left after I assured her I was confident of my decision not to attend.

Then came the visit from the girls, complete with a paper plate of fudge they made that night. I told them thank you, and went back to my Geometry homework. I remember looking at my Dad in the living room after they left and rolling my eyes. He laughed out loud and told me they were starting to annoy him too.

Finally, my YW leader came to my home again. She told me she felt a prompting from the lord and that she had been praying for me. She just wanted me to be happy, she said. I told her I was happy. Guess she didn't buy it. She became convinced that someone had offended me, and she apologized on behalf of that person. I told her I wasn't offended... but that wasn't really true. I was. I was offended by the things they were telling the YW, because I knew that some women wouldn't be happy in that perfect Mormon household dream they were trying their hardest sell. I was offended that the church thought I was just a baby-maker. (Yes, I know that is an exaggeration but it gets the point across.)

Love bombing is something Mormons to bring Mormons back to activity... but it's not something Mormons do without that reason. They have an ulterior motive.

I made the decision to stop attending because I knew early on that the church wasn't for me. Sure, I assumed it was true, and all the doctrine that went along with it, but I wasn't willing to sacrifice some of my dreams to make them happy. I was always convinced that if God existed he would want me to be ready for a husband and kids... he wouldn't want me to be an unhappy, bitter Mother, right?

When Mormons love bomb people who have become inactive, it doesn't seem they are doing it in an honest way.


11 comments:

  1. Anonymous Says:
    June 13, 2008 at 3:15 AM

    In my case, I only mattered once I left. I was really sick and had no support at all, yet once I left they wanted to call, stop by, and help. I felt that all they cared about was the numbers at church, not actually me.

    Of course I left because I was offended not because of the history....(NOT!)

  1. Andee Says:
    June 13, 2008 at 8:43 AM

    Do you think they understand how obvious it is that they are insincere?

    Would they stop by my home with brownies if I was attending church on Sunday? No. It wouldn't even cross their mind.

    I hope you are better, my friend.

  1. Anonymous Says:
    June 13, 2008 at 7:14 PM

    Thanks! I have a chronic illnes, but the other crap has fallen into place.

    What I loved is when I was in chemo and working full-time (I was laid off from one job and had to work to keep my insurance), and got no support while the woman who was wealthy, no kids at home and didn't have to work had meals brought in every day. WTF?

    And now they want to visit me? Hell no!!!

  1. Andee Says:
    June 13, 2008 at 11:09 PM

    Truly Confused,

    I am sorry you have a chronic illness, but you are a very strong person... I know this about you already. My thoughts are with you in hopes you don't go through too much pain.

    My Dad went through chemo a couple times when he had cancer (he lost his battle, sadly) and it was horrible. I don't wish that poison (thats what it is... poison) on anyone. It's more than shameful that you didn't get any support from them.

    It shows how much they really "care" doesn't it?

    Hugs to you, keep strong!

  1. donangelo Says:
    June 14, 2008 at 8:22 AM

    Hey truly confused,

    Just remember to keep the faith.

    because by the biblical Jesus Christ stripes we are healed isaiah 53:5

    because the biblical Jesus Christ is still the great healer.

  1. Andee Says:
    June 14, 2008 at 8:58 AM

    donangelo,

    I am sure that if truly confused could be healed by God, she would be healed already. She certainly sounds like she lives a very humble and kind life to me...

    Praying for illnesses to go away might help the spirit emotionally, there is no way to be healed by prayer or belief alone.

    Telling someone all they need to do is be a better Christian or that they haven't turned themselves over to Christ, and that is the reason they haven't been healed is almost insulting in my mind.

    Her illness isn't her fault, and she is probably doing everything possible to have it under control. She is doing everything she can, right?

  1. donangelo Says:
    June 14, 2008 at 12:45 PM

    Hey Sydney,

    Remember that the biblical Jesus Christ is the same as yesterday,today and forever. hebrews 13:8

    because the holy bible teaches for example syd,that the biblical Jesus Christ sent his word forward or forth and they were all healed of all sorts of sicknesses.

    THE BIBLICAL JESUS HEALS A SICK WOMAN.

    SHE WAS THINKING IF I CAN JUST TOUCH HIS CLOTHES,I WILL BE HEALED.JESUS TURNED AND SAW THE WOMAN.YOU ARE MADE WELL BECAUSE YOU BELIEVED.AND THE WOMAN WAS HEALED FROM THAT MOMENT ON. MATTHEW 9:21-23

    HEY SYD NOTICED WHAT THE BIBLICAL JESUS CHRIST SAID IN THIS TEXT OF SCRIPTURES,YOU ARE MADE WELL BECAUSE YOU BELIEVED OR BECAUSE YOU HAD FAITH.

    AND YES SYD IT WAS FAITH AND FAITH ALONE IN THE BIBLICAL JESUS CHRIST THAT HEALED HER.

    THE BIBLICAL JESUS CHRIST HEALS MORE PEOPLE

    AFTER JESUS WENT INSIDE,THE BLIND MEN WENT WITH HIM.HE ASKED THE MEN,DO YOU BELIEVE THAT I CAN MAKE YOU SEE AGAIN?YES LORD.THEN JESUS TOUCHED THEIR EYES AND SAID,BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE I CAN MAKE YOU SEE AGAIN,IT WILL HAPPEN.THEN THE MEN WERE ABLE TO SEE.BUT JESUS WARNED THEM STRONGLY,SAYING,DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS. MATTHEW 9:28-31

    SO NOTICE ONCE AGAIN IN THE SCRIPTURES THAT THE BIBLICAL JESUS CHRIST SAID THAT BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE I CAN MAKE YOU SEE AGAIN,IT WILL HAPPEN.

    SO ONCE AGAIN IT WAS FAITH IN THE BIBLICAL JESUS CHRIST ALONE SYD THAT HEALED THE BLIND MEN.

    AND SYD I AM NOT SAYING IT IS HER FAULT.

  1. Andee Says:
    June 14, 2008 at 1:08 PM

    Donangelo,

    Nevermind. You don't get it. I doubt you ever will.

  1. Anonymous Says:
    June 14, 2008 at 7:58 PM

    So damn funny! Thanks Syd!

    Donangelo-that is so funny. You must be an active mormon because that is what they all say too.

    I live near a children's hospital. There are so many infants and todlers that need to have more faith in Christ. Damn those kids for not believing enough to heal their cancer....

    Sorry, it doesn't work that way. Faith in Christ gives you strength to get through the hard times. It DOES NOT make them go away.

    I actually blamed myself and lack of faith for not being healed (thanks to so many good Mormon and Christian people telling me that). I came to realize that we don't understand everything, and not everything is in the neat little box we want it to be in. That is what people with little minds want them to be in when they cannot accept not everything can be explained or fixed.

    Faith in Christ isn't saying that you will be healed. Faith in Christ is saying "thy will be done" and then walking the path that is placed before you with optimism, happiness and accepting that you don't always get what you want

    Sorry, Donangelo, but you don't know me well enough to preach to me. If I wanted that I would let in the missionaries or Jehovah's Witness's.

  1. Andee Says:
    June 14, 2008 at 8:14 PM

    Truly Confused,

    Donangelo is our resident born again Christian who is doing his best to save our souls.

    It really pisses me off when he makes comments like that. I do my best to make sure everyone has a voice, but I can only stay silent for so long!!

    Being sick isn't your fault, and accepting Christ in your life (purely your business) probably won't change anything medically.

    I am sorry if you were in any way offended on my blog. I consider you a friend here.

  1. Anonymous Says:
    June 14, 2008 at 8:26 PM

    No worries at all. If I didn't feel comfortable I would have gone away and not come responded.

    In my experience, not too much changes things medically except rest and pain medication.

    I know it wasn't your comment so I wasn't offended.

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