Windy Sydney

Standing up for what I believe in has cost me dearly. I know in my heart and mind I am doing the right thing, but seeing my friends and family treat my Mother and I so harshly because we decided to leave is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

Why should I be punished by those pretending to be faithful servants to God? Who are they to judge? Why does it cost to leave Mormonism? I found an archived thread on Recovery from Mormonism's short topics about this very thing.

People lose a lot when they decide to be open about questioning and leaving the church, especially if they live in Utah or Idaho. Not only are your family relationships in jeopardy, but your business, career, home, finances and friendships as well.

People have lost their businesses after leaving the church. Suddenly their customers don't want to support their business after learning of apostasy or resignation. Could you imagine going through financial distress simply because you don't agree on religion with the people in the community? It's no wonder so many people "pretend" and "play the game" while not believing it in their hearts and souls. In their minds, the price would be too big. The financial stability for their family is a risk they can't take. Others decide to move their business elsewhere or start over. It's sad that this is even an issue.

Imagine getting passed over for a promotion you really deserve simply because you resigned from the Mormon faith. Sure, you could appeal the decision to the company, but it would be nearly impossible to prove. It's obvious to everyone when it happens, isn't it?

How about your home and relationships with your neighbors? Suddenly your kids' friends are not allowed to play over at your house anymore. Why is that? I have even heard of people telling their children who to mow lawns for! "No, Jimmy... don't mow that lawn over there. I don't care if they pay you the same as everyone else... they are not in the church anymore. We need to stay away from them." It's insane.

Everything changes when you leave the church. Suddenly, you and your entire life are suddenly up for conversation and debate. People talk about you like you have committed horrific sins. They assume the worst about you because you are not one of them. They take it personally.

Demand More left a comment here the other day that stuck with me. I hope she doesn't mind me sharing it...

"I've noticed that when a family member leaves the church the rest of the family is so utterly baffled, they forget that you are still the same person with feelings and opinions. They tend to think "Oh they don't care anymore about this or that person" because they assume if you did care you would never leave the church and give up your blessings of sealing.

I really think they just cannot wrap their head around a person leaving so they take it as a personal insult, like you are saying they are unintelligent becaue you are saying it is untrue. They pity us while we pity them."

I try hard not to pity anyone. I know everyone has the ability to make their own choices, but I can't help but wonder if some Mormons, especially the women, would leave if they knew the whole story. Would they be happier?

My family members have basically decided that Mom and I are out of the family. Since not receiving notification of the death of a family friend, we feel like we have been punched in the stomach. Why is it that religion is such a big deal?

My personality, my heart, and my goals haven't changed. Why must my family assume they have? Why must they assume I am some kind of contaminated person? Frustration doesn't even begin to describe it. Not even close. I guess to some people, love isn't unconditional... and if that is the case, it's their loss.