Windy Sydney

I believe there should be a way for people to have different religious beliefs and get along. Unfortunately, once people are convinced that they are the only ones who have it right, they start telling everyone else they should join their religion or burn in hell. Many religions do this, not just Mormonism.

Doing this is going too far.

You have no right, whatsoever, to tell someone else they are going to burn in hell. You have no right to judge them in that way. If you truly believe you are a good person, you should know better than to scorn others. Being an example is important. People associate your religion with the way you treat others.

People can become fanatical. I have plenty of fanatics in my family, giving me excuse after excuse of why Joseph Smith was commanded by God to marry two 14 year olds. I can't understand how they could defend someone who would do that, but I don't damn them to hell for it. I don't believe they will go to Hell for it.

I really hope that when we die we have the ability to look back on our lives with new eyes. We see the errors of our own ways and beliefs, and we learn. When we all get there, maybe it becomes obvious that none of us were right? Is that the point? Who knows.

Here are two stories of two very different fathers in the Mormon Church. Fanaticism happens in all religions, I want to make that clear. These people just happen to be Mormon...

I’m a BIC RM MIT TBM (until recently). [BIC=Born in the Covenant (born to parents married in the Mormon Temple), RM = Returned Missionary (served a 2 year mission for the church), MIT =Married in the Mormon Temple, TBM = True Believing Mormon] The past month has been agony as I have discovered the reality of my religion. Yesterday, I learned a lesson in cruelty and manipulation from my former Bishop and father.

Some background is needed. I grew up in an ultra TBM family. My father is a fanatic, a zealot. He has devoted his entire life to the Morg at the expense of everything else. To give you an idea where his mindset is, here’s a quick story: After returning from my mission, I sinned by viewing the movie, Shindler’s List. Somehow, my father found this out and angrily confronted me. I told him how strongly I felt the “spirit” while watching the film and he promptly responded that I was feeling a false spirit from Satan. He explained the holy ghost would never be present at an R-rated movie.

Growing up as a youth, saturated in Morg dogma, I wanted to be just as pious and valiant as my father. I was by anyone’s measure a straight arrow and agonized even at the thought of sin. When I was 18, I became involved with a girl I knew from high school. The relationship became quite intense, despite the efforts of my parents to thwart it. We spent quite a bit of time alone and eventually we messed up (short of intercourse). Prior to this, I had never gone beyond kissing. The burden of guilt and shame I was under absolutely crushed me. The only thing that prevented me from killing myself was the belief that God would only condemn me further. I had committed the worst sin next to murder. I was not only emotionally destroyed, but also physically ill – constant vomiting.

I mustered up my courage and submitted myself to the authorities. My Bishop at the time was MY FATHER. I recall the utter devastation my confession had on him. He made me dictate to him all the lurid details. He told me I would have to submit myself to a court of love (keep in mind, I was not yet endowed). His emotions got out of control, tears turned into rage as he excoriated me for disobeying his orders to stay away from my harlot girlfriend. Despite his threats, I never attended that court of love. Instead I was sentenced to a few weeks of sacrament prohibition. The situation was potentially very embarrassing for my bishop father, to have his perfect son dishonor our perfect family (in reality our family was a model of dysfunction). I cannot explain just how seriously I took my transgression. Despite my contrition, I felt no sense of forgiveness or grace, just humiliation, torment and scorn. I know it may sound melodramatic, even silly to some, but as a product of an ultra TBM culture, this incident caused profound emotional damage.

Twelve years later, I am happily married and active (though becoming less so) in the church. I’ve given my father two beautiful grandchildren. My relationship with him has always been a bit strained in part because of that “incident” long ago. Yesterday during a visit to his home, the subject of church came up (as it always does). I mentioned my recent studies of early Mormon history. I asked for his thoughts on the BoA and JS’s marriages to other men’s wives. I admit I was stupid to bring it up.

He responded harshly by denouncing everything as a filthy lie then resorted to the ultimate TBM retort by bearing his testimony in a loud but quivering voice. He became angry and started to give me an impromptu temple recommend interview. “Are you paying your tithing? Do you attend all your meetings? Do you obey the law of chastity?” I could honestly answer yes, but I didn’t respond. I was too upset. Upset that my intellectual curiosity meant that I was sinning. He warned me of the “road of great sorrow” I was headed down. In true manipulative form, he told me how I was destroying my wife and children. “I feel so bad for your dear wife and sweet children, that the priesthood has been torn from their lives.” Then he stooped to the lowest and sickest levels of manipulation by saying, “remember that time before your mission”. At first I didn’t know what he was referring to, but then he made it very clear. Apparently, my grievous sin from twelve years ago has allowed Satan to incubate in my soul all these years – so much for the atoning power of the Savior. So this must be why I’m questioning my faith. That he would bring up something like this and use it as a club to beat me with is truly despicable, not to mention it goes against the most fundamental precepts of his church’s doctrine (supposedly). I immediately left his house while telling him what little respect I had left for him. -Horatio

After hearing this story, I ask myself who is really to blame for the father's actions? Is it his own fault for forgetting that his family should be more important than his church? Or is it the church's fault for teaching this father to be this demanding and judgmental to his own family? I think both. What might people like this think when they finally make it to the hereafter? Are they shocked and disappointed that it's not the perfect heaven they believed in Mormonism? Are they surprised there is no polygamy in heaven? Here is another...

My first daughter became pregnant when she was planning to have a "temporal" marriage. Since I have never been ultra TBM, I was happy for her, helped her get married, enjoyed the experience of having a grandson. I worried a little because I thought she might be a little selfish, not wanting to get up in the middle of the night to take of her son. But I realized I had raised her right when she never complained about loving and taking care of her son. I knew that she would never hurt or neglect him, and was so happy to have a grandson.

If I had been ultra TBM, I would have been shameful that she didn't have a temple marriage, and all that. Your father is really missing out on the important things in life. and that what the church does to you if you allow it. Love your family, take care and pride in your children, stay away from your Dad, and find loving people out there.- Spunky

Two very different stories about two very different fathers. The only thing that strikes me is that the father in Story #1 found the ability to hurt his family and relationships in the name of his religion, and the father in story #2 found the ability to love his family unconditionally.

You don't have to be a religious fanatic to have that amazing faith or relationship with God. Just believe what you believe and practice what you preach. Why do so many people have a hard time with that?

Sorry, needed to rant.