Brides on their Temple Wedding

Posted by: Andee / Category: ,


I am just posting some comments I read on the Recovery From Mormonism page that I found interesting. These women are talking about their special day in the temple, a day most of them dreamed of since they were very small. Here is how they feel about that day now...

It was a pretty room, for sure, but nothing any nicer than the places where I shopped for and tried on wedding dresses. It was white, mostly, like all rooms in the temple, with a few tables, a few flowers, a few mirrors and chandeliers. But what I remember most is standing there looking in the mirror all alone. Yes, a temple worker or two popped in to make sure my dress was "appropriate" and they fussed about my 'unnecessary' and non-detachable train which I had to carry over my arm. But they didn't seem to involved.

No mother, no grandma, no mother-in-law. No aunts or sisters or cousins. No best friend, or even a CLOSE friend to be with me on my special day. They were all excluded for not being Mormon. My bishop's wife came in with me for a bit. I barely knew her.


I was young and excited for my wedding day, but standing there alone in the absolute dead silence it was very clear that this was something I was doing all by myself. It was a very sad, empty feeling. Standing there in my wedding dress, no music, no flowers, no body... just waiting for my turn in the sealing room with a couple of strangers as witnesses. -kc

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There were old ladies to fuss over you alright! Fuss about your neck or shoulders showing, fuss about the "diamond" earrings being "too showy" (yes, I had some CZ earrings that were rather small, and they made me REMOVE them because they were "inappropriate.").

Oh, but ... during the temple tour (prior to dedication) all I heard about was the "imported chandelier" and the "imported marble" and the "imported wood."
No, it wasn't anything special (better than a locker room, though!), or I think I would have remembered. And GOD FORBID we be allowed to take pictures of our "special" day!! -Little ole Me Not Logged In

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I don't know about other temples, but the Dallas, TX temple bridal room was certainly far from beautiful or special! It was a tiny, white room and I think it had a couple of plain mirrors, a chair, some lockers, hooks, and a sink. No curling irons or hairdryers, as best I can recall, and definitely no candles or bath salts, let alone a bath or shower. I was lucky to get a sink!

The old women more like fussed AT me rather than over me and they left me all alone and did absolutely nothing to help me get ready. The only times I would see the temple workers was when they would pop their heads in every few minutes to tell me to hurry up or scold me about one thing or another. I remember feeling so let down and disappointed when I realized EVERYTHING they had promised me about the temple bridal room was a complete LIE! -tude

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Like I mentioned in a previous thread ... I've wanted to hunt down my "MIA" (dating myself) Leaders and rip them a new asshole! I CRIED in the Bride's Room because it was NOT special and wasn't about me AT ALL! Like others have said, we were mostly scolded and told to HURRY! It was a freaking cattle call!- LOMNLI

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When I a was a teenager in YW's the temple is the ultimate goal they pound into the girls' heads. The leaders don't talk about the importance of an education or teaching young girls self respect and self reliance. YW are taught to get married young and only get married in the temple. It only matters that the boy can take them to the temple. So this is pounded in our heads from primary age. But we never actually know what the temple really means or what goes on.

All the leaders are smiling and winking at each other with their secret knowledge that they can't disclose.
I got married when I was 20 yrs old. Luckily I was nearly done with obtaining my BA and received it a year later. Also I married a wonderful man who eventually led me out of the church. Most YW aren't as lucky. I got married in the Dallas temple 12 years ago.

I shared the bride's room with a buch of other brides and their mothers that day. I didn't feel special at all. My dress had tons of little buttons up the back. It took my mom a long time to button it up. Finally when I had my dress on, the matron informed me that my long sleeves were too see through and I needed to put additional sleeves underneath. You can imagine my frustration and my mom's when asked to unfasten and refasten all those buttons again.
Then I was horrified when I learned that the first time my new hubby would see me in my dress it would be covered up with that awful temple garb with the green apron. I also couldn't understand why I had to veil my face with that ugly cotton veil. I couldn't see my hubby during the ceremony. I couldn't wait to get out of my outfit.

I also remember with pangs of guilt how I walked out in the lobby to see my dad who was not deemed worthy to see his oldest daughter married. He said with tears in his eyes, "so you're married now huh?" I was grumpy and hot while taking pictures outside. It was August in Texas and I was wearing a long sleeved dress, need I say more.

I remember going to my nevermo best friends wedding that summer as well. I felt guilty at the time for being envious of her wedding.
I thinking more and more about renewing my vows. I can wear the dress I want, invite the people I want and get married where I want. What a novel idea. Too bad I didn't think of that 12 years ago!- bookworm


6 comments:

  1. donangelo Says:

    Speaking of brides Sydney love
    when are you going to get married
    sexy lady ?

  1. Elder Joseph Says:

    Great Blog and Thanks for posting the thoughtful articles.

    I recommend you open a youtube page and advertise your blog ..

    I've found that there are some current LDS 'Investigators' from around the world asking me things about the church after having stumled on my videos and I am able to help them with information before they decide whether to baptised in a rush by high pressure missionaries. Saving one from making an illinformed decision is agreat Joy and I have had a few ask me to help them with information...

    I like in particulrar your Milk before Meat article , which I think would make a great Tract to give out to recent converts and/or Investigators ..

    Would you be ok with me copying your article for that purpose ?

    Thanks again ..

    E J

  1. Andee Says:

    You are more than welcome to copy the article, just link back to the blog at some point. I am happy to help!

    Thanks for the comments, and thanks for reading!

    -Sydney

  1. Andee Says:

    donangelo, I am not too worried about getting married. If it happens, it happens. :)

  1. Nicko Says:

    I'd like to point out that again this is all very nice and categorised, but you've not asked the women who are still active in the church for their opinion. There is no balance here at all.

    MY wife is confused with the discussions above. She was treated with nothing but respect and dignity (according to her) during her ceremony and her mother was with her the whole way until..well I won't go on.

    I'd also like to point out as you already know Syd that I had my own folks sitting out of the temple because they weren't members (and still aren't) and that did nothing for the experience. My Mum still cried at our ring exchange ceremony and my parents still came to my Son and Daughters baby blessing.

    If anything, it hasn't tore our family apart at all...and I think its because you've overestimated how large the temple ceremony is...its just not the same as the whole 'wedding' on the outside.

    Well mine was special...my wife loved every moment. And to be honest, it was because we were sealed together, not because of the others. But we stepped into that holy room and made sacred covenants to each other...which we intend to keep forever.

  1. Andee Says:

    Nicko,

    Thanks for your point of view.

    It is definitely true that I didn't have any opinions from believing Mormons on the article, because I don't have any to ask. Maybe your wife could help answer some questions for me (if she doesn't mind) about her experiences some time in the future. You know you have my word that I will be very kind and honest with what she has to say. :)

    I am glad you guys had a ring ceremony. Most of the Mormons who have shared their experiences with me tell me that the temple part of the wedding was it. They had a small reception at the local ward or stake center after. The end. It's not exactly what every little girl dreams of. That is all I am getting at.

    I am sincerely happy for you and your wife, and I am glad you had a fantastic wedding day.