Stupid Stuff Customers Say

Posted by: Andee / Category: ,

I have worked in customer/guest service positions for the past 10 years. I have had training by some of the best companies out there, and knowing when to keep your mouth is a valuable skill to have. If someone is already pissed off about something, you don't want to make it worse... you want to assure them your company wasn't intentionally making them angry or giving them a bad experience, and you need to promise them you will do what you can to make the situation better.

Sometimes it's really hard to remember that. Especially when people say really ignorant and stupid things.

Once, at Disney, someone walked up to me and said, "Excuse me Miss... what time does the 2 o'clock parade start?" When I was at Universal and standing right in front of a Barney the Dinosaur fountain, someone asked me, "Is this where the Barney Show is?" Not kidding. Really happened.

I ran across an article on The Consumerist about this very topic and it made me laugh out loud because some of the conversations mentioned reminded me of problems and people I had to deal with at my prior jobs. I hope you like them, and for the complete list go here...

There are more stupid customer quotes here...

Customer: “Tell me; is your cleaning solution toxic?”
Me: “You mean the stuff we use to clean fresh ear piercings?”
Customer: “Yah, that stuff.
Me: “Well no sir, I don’t believe it’s toxic. There isn’t really anything in here that–”
Customer: “–because I ingested a whole bunch of it!”
Me: “Why?”
Customer: “I was out of mouth wash. I needed mouth wash.”
Me: “But it isn’t mouth wash…it’s used to clean piercings…”
Customer: “I know, do you think I’m stupid?! That’s why I’m worried!”

Customer:“These things don’t work! They are hard to swallow and I nearly choked to death.”
Me: “Ma’am, they are suppositories. You don’t swallow them, you insert them rectally.”
Customer: “What does that mean?”
Me: “You unwrap them and insert them in your rectum.”
Customer: “What’s my rectum?”
Me: “Ma’am, please forgive me, but your rectum is your butt hole.”
Customer: “Well up yours too!” *stalks off*

Dumbest question over the phone:

Marlex: "(company name), how can I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, what's your phone number?"
Marlex: "Do you mean our fax number?"
Customer: "No, your phone number."

Me: "What version of Windows are you running?"
Them: "Hold on, let me check."
Me: ??
Them: "They're thermal."
Me: "I...I beg your pardon?"
Them: "The windows are thermal."
Me: "..."

Me: "Ok Ma'am, those are due back on Saturday before midnight"
Her: "I.. have to return these?"

Woman watching me: Is that non-fat? I asked for non-fat. Can you make sure that is non-fat? Non-fat? Non-fat??
Me: Here's your non-fat cappuccino.
Woman: Can I get some whipped cream on here?