Something Personal

Posted by: Andee / Category: , ,

There are many reasons people leave the Mormon Church. It's hard to touch on them all, there certainly wasn't just one reason for me... it was a giant list of questions I had that couldn't be answered. Trust me, I tried.

Many times people responding to articles like this claim that I was searching to disprove the church. They believe I had already made up my mind that the religion was false, and I was looking for any proof to get my way. It couldn't be further from the truth.

To be honest, I was never a good Mormon. I like my coffee. I think temple garments are pretty silly, I always have. I would constantly ask questions in Sunday School and demand good answers instead of, "That is just how it is, and we don't know why." I was never quiet about my thoughts and feelings on the subject... BUT, I didn't want to prove Mormonism was false. More than anything, I wanted it to be true.

11 years ago my father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. He was an amazing man. He taught me how to change a tire on the side of the road (so I wouldn't have to wait for some strange man to help me...) He had an amazing work ethic. He was extremely funny, and he was honest. Both of my parents were people I could go to about anything... I knew they would love me regardless.

In 1997, my Dad started to have sore throats. I had just received antibiotics for strep throat, so we all assumed he was sick as well. The doctors gave him the same meds as they gave me but nothing helped him. He eventually started having trouble breathing, and scheduled an appointment with a specialist. The specialist decided they would take out his thyroid and he would have to be on medication for the rest of his life. The scheduled the surgery for the next day. When they opened him up, they realized it wasn't an over-active or under-active thyroid gland, it was a tumor that was completely inoperable. They flew him into Salt Lake City on a helicopter and he was admitted into intensive care. They gave him three days to live.

Imagine the shock. My dad was an active and healthy man. Instead of going home for lunch he would go to the gym and work out. He ran miles on the weekend and mowed our gigantic lawn every week. All of the sudden we all had the wind taken out of us. My Dad told me that he wasn't ready to die. He didn't want to give up, and he fought like hell.

They did radiation treatments for him, and it did nothing but buy us a little more time together. He eventually needed feeding tubes, and we gave him round-the-clock care at home.

When Dad was sick, his brother flew in to give him a visit. Dad's brother gave him a blessing, he didn't promise that Dad would get better, but he did say a few words in hopes that my Dad had some comfort about what to expect when it was his time. Dad passed away 3 1/2 months after he was diagnosed, and he fought hard. He is my hero.

When I share this story with you, I am trying to show that I desperately wished that I could be sealed to my Dad for time and all eternity. I wanted to believe that I would see him again, and that everything would be okay someday. I wanted to know that he was all right and not in pain anymore. Why would I go out of my way to disprove that?

Looking into church history happened because I needed to know the truth. Now that I know the truth, I feel that I have been lied to and mislead by the people who promised so many wonderful things to me. I was, and still am a good person. I have never done illegal drugs, I don't smoke... I have never killed a man just to watch him die. I live a good an honest life because that is who I am, and that will never change.

Mormonism didn't make me who I was, it didn't make my Dad who he was. We all exist outside of the religion we follow or the beliefs we have.

I am not out to hurt people in the church, or to bring the church down. I just want honesty.

I want the church to apologize for mistreating people of color, I want equality in how men and women are treated, I want the church to acknowledge that celestial marriage is actually polygamy and to stop pretending they have nothing to do with it. I want the church to stop using paintings that depict the translation of the Book of Mormon in a false manner. I want the church to be open and honest with all of it's financial records. If they have nothing to hide, why are they hiding it??

Is that to much to ask from an institution who claims to be the one and only true church?

I think not.


  1. Anonymous Says:

    What do Mormons have against Coffee? I'm utterly baffled by this. I can't find an explanation anywhere.

  1. Andee Says:


    Thanks for the comment/question!

    The problem with coffee comes with what is called "The Word of Wisdom" about what is healthy and what isn't. The word of wisdom mentions "Hot Drinks" which most Mormons assume is coffee. Hot drinks should include things like hot chocolate, but it seems to me that people pick and choose what to take from stuff like this.

    The original word of wisdom also asked Mormons not to eat meat except in winter. That was dropped, too. Not sure why. The whole thing makes very little sense to me.