I was given permission to share this by a friend named "Hueffenhardt." I thought he expressed himself beautifully, and I wanted to share it with everyone.
-Andee
Sometimes TBM family members look down on us as if we are to blame. All they see is that we disrupted the balance. But, I believe that their disapproval is misdirected. It is not our fault the Church isn't what it claims to be. Blame Joseph Smith and those who followed for the emotional turmoil and familial upheaval. We just discovered the "bad thing"; we didn't cause it. And there is nothing wrong, morally or otherwise, with discovering the truth even if it is bad news.
It is similar to discovering my sister's husband is having an affair, and the rest of the family hears that I don't believe he is being faithful to my sister. They are unwilling to ask about or really consider the reasons I feel that way and the evidence I have against him. Instead, they all stand up for him and bear their witness that he is a good and faithful husband, and then accuse me of being deceived and blame me for causing this disruption in the family.
"Look, it is not my fault he cheated on his wife and I have done nothing wrong by discovering his unfaithfulness. You could know it, too, if you'd look at the evidence, but you won't consider it. I am not the bad guy here, and you guys are being unreasonable. I'm being ostracized when he should be the one that is ostracized. I am not going to substitute your judgment for mine when I aware of more facts than you are. You can't fairly judge whether I am telling the truth or not until you at least examine the evidence I am more than happy to share with you, but I won't force upon you".
Similarly, it isn't our fault the Church isn't true. We didn't do anything wrong by discovering the truth. It is the Church and its founders that have done a lot of things wrong. Perhaps we could be rightfully faulted if we tried to force our disbelief on family members. But, we suffer disapproval and judgment and are ostacized just for simply no longer believing, if others know about our disbelief. I repeat, it is not our fault Joseph lied, and TBM's negativity is misdirected if aimed at us.