Windy Sydney

August 2, 2008 at 10:36 AM

I wouldn't worry about it, Andee. It's not surprising considering that so many Mormons have nothing in common other than their faith. Also, if you grew up in the church (and I believe you did), then it's incomprehensible to other Mormons that you could possibly come to the conclusion that the church is not true unless you committed some grave sin.

I announced to my family that I was leaving the church via an FAQ email (I highly recommend this, by the way). My father called me a day later, and the gist of the conversation can be summed up by one of the things he said to me:

This does not compute.

He couldn't understand how I, having been raised in the church, served a mission and graduated from BYU could have come to this conclusion. Even after I explained a few things, he still didn't get it. It still surprises me when I think about it, because he's an attorney. They search for truth. They examine and cross-examine. Yet, for all his training and experience, it somehow never crosses into the realm of his religion. Two years after I sent that email, I still don't think he gets it, and think he's in denial (the subject hasn't come up since).

Anyway, I'm sorry that this happened, but this person obviously was never a true friend. I wouldn't lose sleep over it.

August 2, 2008 at 11:07 AM

Steve-O,

This is exactly what I mean when I talk about mental gymnastics. Forget the actual physical and historical evidence pointing to the church not being true, and accuse someone you have known your entire life of living some kind of secret sinful existance? Come. On.

It's so frustrating. They don't see it because they refuse to see it. Period.

August 2, 2008 at 11:40 AM

hi Sydney,

Don't mind that guilt tripping and cries of sin...... you have your own free mind.

I left the Catholic church at 15 and have had a very interesting spiritual journey since . Organized religion has nothing to do with Spirituality and is mostly about power, control and expansion of the "flock".

August 2, 2008 at 12:45 PM

Whore.....kidding. I still default to the fact that if people admit you left because you don't believe, then they have to admit it might not be true. It is so much easier to blame you. I am sure you get that. It is about them, not you.

Don't feel bad. These are the people who say that if I had faith my Lupus would go away. Doesn't work like, but it is so much easier than the truth (sometimes shit happens!).

August 2, 2008 at 12:58 PM

Im sorry. I know it is so hard not be hurt by the stupid things people say. They really have been brainwashed to a point. Until they question the church they will assume the church is right about everything including the reasons why people leave.

You are an great person, you are honest and intelligent. You know yourself and how most people see you. Write off his comments if you can, he probably assumes you are lyng because he can't wrap his head around the church lying. Someday he will realize you are right and he was the one with blinders on.

Hang in there!

August 2, 2008 at 8:07 PM

Thanks for the kind words guys. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't consider this person a friend for most of my life.

It sucks, but I appreciate everyone being there for me.

hugs to you all

August 3, 2008 at 4:41 AM

Sorry, Andee. It sucks to have someone you thought was a friend hurt you like that. But it's such an automatic ingrained response, almost robotic. When you're trained from such a young age to believe that people only leave because of sin or offense it's probably hard to imagine it in other terms. I realize it's hard not to take it personally, since it is so personal like you said, but people say crazy things when they're fearful or confused. I hope your friend comes around.

August 3, 2008 at 7:29 AM

i know exactly how you feel. my own family thinks we must have "done somethng bad" or else we were "offended." they try to get us to talk about who offended us all the time. despite the email my husband and i sent out briefly describing how we came to the conclusions that the mormon church is not what it says it is and we can no longer be a part of it...they just choose to overlook that and think there's no way a couple married in the temple could ever lose their testimony for any other reason than sinning or being offended. it does hurt. because they are family, those who are supposed to know us best.

now they think that because i wear "immodest" (ie SLEEVLESS) clothing and we have a drink every once in a while that we really went off the deep end and we left the church so we could participate in worldy things. SO NOT TRUE! i wouldn't even take my garments off for the longest time because it was just so hard to take that defining step! and it took months before i ever took that first taste of alcohol because i was worried about what my family would think.

but then i realized, i can do nothing to change the way they think. i will always be a disappointment in their eyes and there's not much i can do about it but show them i'm still a good person. they'll believe what they want to believe for the rest of their lives.

sad, but true. at least we know we're not alone in all this!

- sarah

August 3, 2008 at 10:19 AM

I have some amazing friends here, thanks again.

Sarah, people think the same of me when they see me have a drink once in a while. I must have left the church because I was an alcoholic! or, the ever popular, "She left the church and now her life is spiraling out of control."

I wont even mention that I very rarely drink at all. Maybe a couple drinks ever few months... yet, I am a raging alcoholic in their eyes.

It's so stupid. Ugh.